Kushiel's Scion - Jacqueline Carey [285]
"Lucius, please." I tightened my grip. "Just do this."
He stared at me, his eyes lost and haunted in their bruised, sleepless hollows. "What must I say?"
I gave him words to say and dragged him bodily from the room, hauling him by one arm, terrified that he'd turn on me without notice. Outside, he shook me off, but said nothing. I watched his stride lengthen and his shoulders straighten as he flagged down a pair of mounted riders on day patrol.
"Soldier!" he snapped. "Carry a message to Captain Arturo for me. Tell him I've authorized the exchange of the Valpetran prisoners on the morrow."
They saluted. "Aye, sir!"
Once they'd ridden onward, he turned to me. His face was unreadable, neither quite Lucius or Gallus. "You know, I might change my mind about this."
"Please, don't." I couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Is that all you wanted?"
"Yes," I said. "I mean, no. I came to tell you…" I wasn't quite sure who I was talking to. "That is…"
"Spit it out, man!" he said impatiently.
Gallus.
"One of the D'Angelines told me he thinks Valpetra's trying to dam the river," I said. "I thought you'd want to know."
"Huh. He is, is he? Interesting." Behind the mask of his face, one could see the thoughts working. Clearly, the news meant more to Gallus Tadius than it had to me. He gave me a brisk nod of dismissal. "My thanks, lad."
"Aye, sir." I turned to go.
"D'Angeline!"
"My lord?"
He gave the back of his left hand a meaningful tap. His face wore the peculiar in-between look again. "Staying or going?"
"I'm staying," I said.
"Good." Gallus nodded, or Lucius did. "I'm glad."
With that, he strode back to the barracks. I watched him go, feeling more than a little bewildered myself, then made my way back to the villa.
Despite my news, the atmosphere there was grave. I was right, Eamonn had refused to be dissuaded. Brigitta was furious and grief-stricken. I stayed well out of their way and spent my time composing a letter to Phèdre and Joscelin. If all went well, if Denise Fleurais succeeded in raising an army of allies or hiring a condottiere's mercenary company, if Lucca held strong, I'd be free and on my way home to Terre d'Ange before winter.
If it didn't… well.
What does one say in such a letter? I didn't know. So I wrote about what had happened, and about Gilot's death. I told them that Eamonn was here with me. There was so much I wanted to say—about Claudia, the Unseen Guild, Bernadette de Trevalion, the mystery of Canis. But it would all take too long. Once I started, I knew I'd write myself dry; and I was wary of committing anything that might endanger them to paper. I thought about enclosing the letter that Ruggero Caccini had given me implicating Bernadette. I'd brought it with me for safekeeping. And yet, if it came to it, I didn't want my last act to be one of retribution. Let the blood feud die with me and pray that Kushiel's justice prevailed in the end. It was the farewells that mattered.
I told them how much I loved them, or tried to.
For that, there weren't enough words.
I nearly tore up the letter and started again, but there wasn't time. So I left my inadequate words on the page. I asked them to thank Mavros for the kinship of the Shahrizai, to give my love to Alais and my apologies to Queen Ysandre. After some hesitation, I asked them to tell Sidonie I wished her happiness. I fought down a wave of homesickness that brought tears to my eyes, and signed my name. I folded the letter, then reopened it and scrawled a postscript.
Thank you for the gift of my life, I wrote.
I sealed it without blotting it, before I could change my mind. And then, with dusk falling, I went to report for night patrol.
It was a quiet night. Quiet beyond the walls, quiet in the city, quiet between Eamonn and me. We spoke a little bit about his decision.
"I knew what you'd choose," he said simply. "And I couldn't let you stay here alone."
"Yes, you could."
"And let Deccus Fulvius take my place?" He glanced at me. "He's too old for this, Imri. I'm not, and I'm good at fighting if it comes to it."
"True," I said.