Lady Blue Eyes_ My Life With Frank - Barbara Sinatra [23]
Zeppo was such an enthusiastic gambler that he placed bets on the outcome of almost every game of golf. Being such a good player, he usually won, which drove one of his opponents, the comic writer Danny Arnold, crazy. Desperate, Danny went to see a “golf psychiatrist,” who told him that he’d never beat anyone wearing or using the color red. So, for their next game, Danny insisted Zeppo discard his red and white golf bag as well as the red socks he slipped over his clubs. Zeppo agreed, and Danny had the best game of his life. They were almost through to the final green when Zeppo dropped his pants to show his scarlet shorts. Needless to say, Danny lost.
One day, Zeppo took me to Harpo’s house to meet his brothers. I’d heard so many stories about their mother, Minnie, and father, Sam, a hopeless tailor with one short leg and one short arm. Unable to pay the rent, the family was kicked out of every house they lived in and made money however they could. Harpo and Chico were almost identical, but Chico was a much more versatile pianist, so he would audition for jobs in houses of ill repute but send Harpo (who knew only one tune) to work. Those boys would probably still be working in brothels but for Minnie, who put them on the stage in vaudeville acts because she knew they were naturally so funny. She was right.
At Harpo’s house, El Rancho Harpo, Zeppo introduced me to Gummo and his wife, Helen, as well as Groucho and Chico. Chatting with them, I learned about the nicknames they’d chosen for themselves when they were in vaudeville. Zeppo (whose real name was Herbert) was named after the zeppelin. Groucho (Julius) got his name because they were usually paid in cash and he’d put it in what was called a “grouch bag.” Chico (really Leonard) was so named because he chased the “chicks” even more than the others. Gummo (Milton) got his name because he wore rubber-soled gum shoes, and Harpo, who was christened Arthur, played the harp.
Zeppo was too young for the stage when they began and joined the troupe only as a last-minute stand-in when Gummo joined the army. Zeppo was due to go out with a friend that night on a double date with some Irish girls, but instead he had to cancel and hop on a train to Texas. A few hours later, his friend was shot dead by an Irish gang who took exception to a Jewish boy dating one of their own. Show business truly saved Zeppo’s life, and he stayed on as the stooge when Gummo decided to quit and go into manufacturing after the war.
When I was first presented to Groucho, he rolled his eyes at Zeppo and flapped his thick black eyebrows at me in true Groucho style. “Mmm!” he said with a leer, licking his lips. “Quite a dish!” He was the most outspoken of the brothers, very much in charge, and could be gruff at times, but he and I got along just fine.
After a while, I asked, “Where is Harpo?”
“Under the table,” his wife replied. I knew the Marx Brothers were known for their off-the-wall comedy, but I didn’t realize it extended to their personal lives. When Zeppo discovered where his brother was, he went over to the table, got down on his hands and knees, and began talking to him.
Looking up at me from all fours, Zeppo said, “Hey, Barbara! Come on over, I want you to meet Harpo.” So I went over and stood by the table, but Zeppo insisted, “You have to get down.” So I got down on my hands and knees alongside him, and there was Harpo under the table with his head pressed to it.
“Hi, Harpo,” I said, feeling like an idiot. “Nice to meet you.… Tell me, why are you down here?”
He laughed. “I made a little shelf under the table for my glasses, so that I can see the television. I glued it and was holding it in place, but then my head got stuck to it, so here I am!” Harpo was so funny. I loved him. He was the sweetest of all the Marx Brothers. After we’d had our chat, we stood up and carried on as if there was nothing unusual about our host being glued