Lady in the Mist - Laurie Alice Eakes [133]
“Would you really?” Tabitha felt a little ill. “Would you want that much to please your father? Would you serve the church now if your father still wanted that of you?”
She could scarcely breathe while she waited for his answer. If he said yes, then she knew he had made up his mind about their future. God, I sure hope You’re with me and I’m wrong about You not caring.
Dominick gazed into the cemetery for several moments. Somewhere a wagon rolled along the cobblestones. A woman called, and the children’s play ceased. For a full minute, the town lay in silence save for the humming of bees in the flowers.
His inhalation of breath sounded like a wave against the shore in the stillness. “If I could find my way back to a harmonious relationship with God, I would love to serve Him. If I could be forgiven, what better way to thank Him?”
“Then we must get this key back to Kendall.” She produced the object from her pocket. It shimmered before her misty eyes. “And I’ll do the spying for you.”
“You want to be rid of me so quickly?” He gave her a half smile.
“I want you to be at peace so soon.” Aching in every joint, she headed for Kendall’s house.
Dominick fell into step beside her. “You should stay here. Letty will take care of you. You’re too tired and injured to walk home.”
“I want to be alone.”
So that only God would witness her breaking heart.
“Take this to Kendall.” She handed Dominick the key. “I’m off.”
“No, wait.” He caught hold of her elbow. “Tabitha, at least let me walk you home.”
“You can’t. You have work.”
“Kendall will understand. He’s not an unreasonable man.”
“Any man who threatens to flog another is unreasonable. It’s barbaric to inflict pain like that.”
“Like my father?”
Tabitha didn’t answer. She feared if she opened her mouth, she would demand to know why he would prefer to please a man who had scarred him for life and left him to die, over a woman who wanted to bring him nothing but healing. Yet what were the commonplace words her mother always told patients in extremis? Only God is the true healer.
So that must mean she could only pray for Dominick, not heal him herself.
She needed to go home and think about that. Praying meant admitting God was there, that she’d been wrong. And if she was wrong, she needed to repent of the sin of denying God’s presence. The idea made her quiver inside.
She rested her hand on a fence rail for balance. “I need to rest, Dominick, but we can talk when Mayor Kendall will let you get away. If we’re to get you free, we need to plan how I can help you . . .” She glanced at the nearby house, too close with its open windows for mentioning names.
“I shouldn’t let you. It’s too risky.” He touched her cheek. “Perhaps there’s another way, something that won’t involve you. Doing so seems wrong.”
“It’s my choice.” She touched his cheek and turned away.
“This evening before sundown, if I can persuade Kendall to let me go,” Dominick said behind her.
“Your hour is almost up. Take care of that key.” Tabitha made herself walk briskly away. When she rounded the corner, she slowed according to her strength. Getting home would take a while.
She pictured her future without Dominick. She had an apprentice. She could take on more. Her life wouldn’t be empty. She would have a great purpose. The country was growing all the time. It needed women healers. And if war came, the women would need to take over for the men.
She wanted to accept the notion wholeheartedly. But an emptiness remained, a gap like a hole in a window, where wind and rain and cold could seep in.
“If You’re there, God,” she murmured as she traversed the square, empty in the heat of midafternoon, “then I need You to fill that hole. I’ve been seeking for others to do this, a man to give me children, and that’s all fallen through. You’re my last hope of anything permanent, forever, secure.”
Tabitha leaned against a tree to catch her breath. She needed sleep. She needed