Lanark_ a life in 4 books - Alasdair Gray [86]
“Twice.”
“Twice. And why? Why don’t you want to improve yourself?”
“Laziness, I suppose.”
“Hm!”
Thaw pretended once more to study a page of mathematics but found himself brooding on a talk with the head English teacher about the school curriculum. Thaw said much of it was neither interesting in itself nor useful in a practical way. Mr. Meikle had looked thoughtfully across the bent backs and heads of his class and said, “Remember, Duncan, when most people leave school they have to live by work which can’t be liked for its own sake and whose practical application is outside their grasp. Unless they learn to work obediently because they’re told to, and for no other reason, they’ll be unfit for human society.”
Thaw sighed, picked up a textbook and read:
A man and his wife clean their teeth from the same cylindrical tube of toothpaste on alternate days. The interior diameter of the nozzle through which the paste is squeezed is .08 of the interior diameter of the tube, which is 3.4 cms. If the man squeezes out a cylinder of toothpaste 1.82 cms in length each time he uses it, and his wife a cylinder 3.13 cms in length, find the length of the tube to the nearest mm. if it lasts from the 3rd of January to the 8th of March inclusive and the man is the first to use it.
A hysterical rage gripped him. Dropping the book, he clutched at his head and rubbed and scratched and towzled it until his mother shouted “Stop!”
“But this is absurd! This is ludicrous! This is unb-unb-unb-unb-unb-unb”—he choked— “unbearable! I don’t understand it, I can’t learn it, what good will it do me?”
“It’ll get you through your exams! That’s all the good it needs to do! You can forget it when you’ve got your Higher Leaving Certificate!”
“Why can’t they examine me in standing on my head balancing chairs on my feet? Homework for that might improve my health.”
“And do you really think you know what’s good for you better than the teachers and headmasters who’ve studied the subject all their lives?”
“Yes. Yes. Where my own needs are concerned I do know better.”
Mrs. Thaw put a hand to her side and said in a strange voice, “Oh, bloody hell!” Then she said, “Why did I bring children into the world?” and began weeping.
Thaw was alarmed. It was the first time he had heard her curse or seen her weep and he tried to sound reasonable and calm. “Mummy, it doesnae matter if I fail those exams. If I leave school and get a job you won’t need to work so hard.”
Mrs. Thaw dabbed her eyes and resumed sewing, her lips pressed tight together. After a pause she said, “And what job will you get? An errand boy’s?”
“There must be other jobs.”
“Such as?”
“I don’t know, but there must be!”
“Hm!”
Thaw shut his books and said, “I’m going for a walk.”
“That’s right, run away. Men can always run away from work. Women never can.”
There was daylight in the sky but none in the streets and the lamps were lit. Boys of his own age strolled on the pavements in crowds of three and four, girls walked in couples, groups of both sexes gossiped and giggled by café doors. Thaw felt inferior and conspicuous. Overheard whispers seemed to mock the absent look he wore to disarm criticism, overheard laughter seemed caused by the upright hair he never brushed or combed. He walked quickly into streets with fewer shops where people moved in enigmatic units. His confidence grew with the darkness. His face took on a resolute, slightly wolfish look, his feet hit the pavement firmly, he strode past couples embracing in close mouths feeling isolated by a stern purpose which put him outside merely human satisfactions. This purpose was hardly one he could have explained (after all he was just walking, not walking to anywhere) but sometimes he thought he was searching for the key.
The key was small and precise, yet in its use completely general and completely particular. Once found it would solve every problem: asthma, homework, shyness before Kate Caldwell, fear of atomic war; the key would make everything painful, useless and wrong become pleasant, harmonious and good. Since he thought