Lanark_ a life in 4 books - Alasdair Gray [94]
“Dear me, is that not miraculous! And you believe it?”
“Well, it isn’t definitely proved yet, but I like it better than the other theory. It’s more optimistic.”
“Why?”
“Well, if the first theory is true then one day the stars will burn out and the universe will be nothing but empty space and cold black lumps of rock. But if Professor Hoyle is right there will always be new stars to replace the dead ones.”
The minister said politely, “I am fortunate to be rescued from a dying universe at the moment of finding myself menaced by it.”
When Thaw had worked out what the minister meant he felt oppressed and angry. He said “Dr. McPhedron, you talk and— and smile as if everything I say is stupid. What do you believe in that makes you superior? Is it God?”
The minister said gravely, “I believe in God.”
“And that he’s good? And made everything? And loves what he made?”
“I believe those things too.”
“Well, why did he make baby cuckoos so that they can only live by killing baby thrushes? Where’s the love in that? Why did he make beasts that can only live by killing other beasts? Why did he give us appetites that we can only satisfy by hurting each other?”
The minister grinned and said, “Dear me. God himself might be afraid to sit an examination like this. However, I’ll do my best. You talk, Duncan, as if I believed that the world as it is is the work of God. That is not true. The world was made by God, and made beautiful. God gave it to man to look after and keep beautiful, and man gave it to the Devil. Since then the world has been the Devil’s province, and an annexe of Hell, and everyone born into it is damned. We have either to earn our bread by the sweat of our brow or steal it from our neighbours. In either case we live in a state of anxiety, and the more intelligent we are the more we feel our damnation and the more anxious we become. You, Duncan, are intelligent. Mibby you’ve been searching the world for a sign of God’s existence. If so, you have found nothing but evidence of his absence, or less, for the spirit ruling the material world is callous and malignant. The only proof that our Creator is good lies in our dissatisfaction with the world (for if the God of nature had made us the life of nature would suit us) and in the works and words of Jesus Christ, someone you may have read of. Has Christ a place in your view of history?”
“Yes,” said Thaw boldly. “I regard him as the first man to make a religion of the equal worth of each individual.”
“I’m glad you present him as something so respectable, but he’s more than that. He is the way, the truth and the life. To find God you must believe Christ was God and discard every other knowledge as useless and vain. Then you must pray for grace.”
Thaw shifted several times uncomfortably during this speech, for it embarrassed him; also, he was finding it hard to keep his eyes open. After a half minute of silence he realized a question was expected and said, “What’s grace?”
“The Kingdom of Heaven in your own heart. The sure knowledge that you are no longer damned. Freedom from anxiety. God does not send it to all believers, and to few believers for very long.”
“Do you mean that even if I become a Christian I can never be sure of … of …”
“Salvation. Dear me, no. God is not a reasonable man like your grocer or bank manager, giving an ounce of salvation for an ounce of belief. You can’t bargain with him. He offers no guarantee. I see I am boring you, Duncan, and I’m sorry for it, though I’ve said nothing that almost every Scotsman did not take for granted from the time of John Knox till two or three generations back, when folk started believing the world could be improved.”
Thaw held his head between his hands feeling depressed and dull. The minister’s answer was more thorough than he had expected and he felt trapped by it. Though certain there were many sound counter arguments, the only one he could think of was