Last Chance Saloon - Marian Keyes [211]
‘Who’s laughing?’
‘Well, this calls for champagne,’ Joe announced.
‘Now, tell me, Tara,’ Fintan asked, eagerly, ‘how was your lunch date with – what was his name? I find it hard to keep up – Gareth?’
‘Yeah, Gareth. Put it this way, you can hold off on the his ’n’ hers towels for a while.’
‘Disaster?’
‘Not exactly a disaster. But he didn’t have much of a sense of humour.’
‘Ahjamean?’
‘Gareth,’ she sighed heavily, ‘is the kind of man who’d take you on holidays to the jungle, just so he could point out the window and say, “It’s a jungle out there.” You know?’
‘All part of life’s rich tapestry,’ Katherine consoled.
‘Yes indeed, and my tapestry is very rich at this stage.’
‘But so long as you’re having fun.’
‘Oh, I am.’
‘And when you’re finished having fun, you can settle down with your devoted Ravi.’
‘Jesus, Mary and holy St Joseph, don’t go there! Would you all shut up about Ravi?’
There was a contrite silence then Milo murmured, ‘Methinks she doth protest too much.’
‘Methinks the very same.’ Joe nodded.
‘Methinks too,’ Katherine agreed.
‘Speak English,’ Liv begged.
‘All right, all right, all right!’ Tara gave in. ‘Have it your way. I’m mad about Ravi and we’re going to get married.’
‘This comes as no surprise,’ Fintan said calmly.
‘Would you stop! I’m ready for my presents, Mr De Mille. I hope you all bore in mind that I’m furnishing a new flat and I’m tired of boiling water in a saucepan and sleeping on a knackered sofa-bed.’
‘We’ve heard nothing else for the past month.’
‘Excellent. So which one of you got me a bed?’
‘Was it me?’ Fintan asked anxiously. ‘I’ve to work a back-month until I get paid and I’m job-sharing so I’m only on half pay.’
Tara passed Fintan a parcel. ‘No, you gave me this. The day will come,’ she said, dreamily, ‘when Carmella Garcia will arrive on bended knees and beg you to come back to work for her.’
‘Sure, I don’t care any more,’ Fintan said, tearing off the wrapping paper. ‘Good luck to her. What’s this? A sharkskin tablecloth?’
‘It’s a shower curtain.’
‘Oh, very nice. Happy birthday, doll. Do you accept butter vouchers?’
As Tara oohed and aahed over her new kettle, inflatable pouf, giraffe CD holder, Aero voucher and shower curtain, Fintan said, ‘Do you mind me asking, but did Ravi give you a birthday present?’
Tara looked discomfited and eventually said, ‘Yeah.’
‘Can I ask what it was?’
‘Actually,’ Tara’s squirmy embarrassment began to be overridden by enthusiasm, ‘it’s this wonderful stuff. You know my long search to find an indelible lipstick?’
They all nodded, slightly wearily.
‘Ravi tracked down this great gear called Lipcote that you put on over your lipstick. It’s just a colourless liquid, you leave it for a minute to dry, and then a world war wouldn’t shift it. And guess what – it works! It actually bloody works! Look.’ She picked up her gin and tonic and said, ‘Watch as I press my lips against the glass. I’ll give it a good snog. Now, see – no trace of lipstick on it… well, only the merest hint. Isn’t he amazing?’
‘Amazing.’
The champagne arrived. Joe popped the cork, and Fintan and Sandro sniggered and nudged each other as the white spume gushed out.
‘Sorry, Liv, none for you,’ Katherine said, pouring it into six glasses.
‘Now, we must have a toast.’
‘To Fintan, obviously,’ Tara insisted.
‘No, to Tara, it’s her birthday,’ Fintan said, magnanimously.
‘No, no, something a bit more worthy, please,’ Tara protested.
‘To what, then?’
‘To life,’ Liv suggested, lifting her tumbler of milk.
‘That’s a good one,’ the others noisily agreed, grabbing and raising their champagne flutes.
‘And men with big willies,’ Fintan threw in.
‘Even better!’
‘To life!’ Seven glasses clinked in the middle of the table while seven voices chorused, ‘And men with big willies!’
Table of Contents
Cover
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgements
Last Chance Saloon
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
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