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“No, Heather, it’s a joke. Dancing with the Stars is not looking to cast one of us. Chelsea asked me to go along with it. Heather, you know there is only one star in this office,” she said, referring to me.

I wiped my eyes dry and felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Fortune is the best lesbo/officemate I could ever ask for.

THE CHALLENGER SPACE SHUTTLE

The best and longest-running lie that Chelsea told me was that she was going to star opposite Meryl Streep in a movie about the Challenger space shuttle blowing up. It began with me in Chelsea’s office before a show one day. I was doing my usual thing, which involved me smelling all of Chelsea’s never-been-worn designer shoes. There is something about taking a Christian Louboutin up to the nose when that red sole is devoid of even the slightest scratch. Chelsea, who was used to this ritual of mine, was on her BlackBerry, barely paying attention to me, when she said to her makeup artist, “I guess I’m going to play Meryl Streep’s daughter in this movie.”

“What?! You are? That’s amazing,” I exclaimed enthusiastically. “You do kind of look like her, with your blonde hair and blue eyes. What is it about?”

“Meryl is the schoolteacher who went up in the space shuttle Challenger and—”

I cut her off. “The one that blew up with the whole world watching?”

“Yes, but it’s a comedy. Meryl talks to me from heaven.”

“A comedy? That is so weird. I mean, I vividly remember my teacher rolling the television set into our classroom so we could watch the launch, and then seeing it explode right before our eyes. We started saying the rosary and praying that somehow there’d been survivors. How can it be a comedy?”

“Well, that’s why they want me. They also said I could add my own dialogue and scenes. I should have you guys help me write it. The studio will pay for outside writers,” she said as she continued to surf the Web.

“Really? I just don’t see how they could make that funny. A daughter losing her mother at such a young age while the whole world watched. I mean, I’m sure your character watched it blow up in her classroom as well.”

“Well, let me know if you want to work on it,” Chelsea said.

“Oh, yes, of course,” I replied as I put the royal blue peep-toe pump back in its box.

As I left Chelsea’s office I was very confused. I didn’t ever want to miss out on an opportunity, especially one that involved writing on a major motion picture for Meryl Streep, but how could they make this funny? Then I thought about all the times I had auditioned for things and read breakdowns (a synopsis of the TV show, film, or role) and thought it would never make it, and then saw it go on to be a big hit. Maybe I shouldn’t dismiss this space shuttle comedy so quickly. If Meryl Streep agreed to be in it, it had to be good.

That night I filled Peter in, and of course he thought I should go for it, because it meant making money, and not just any money. This was Writers Guild money and credit. When I tried to explain to him that I didn’t think America would find making fun of the Challenger disaster entertaining, he snapped back with “Oh, the same way you blew off your audition to host American Idol because you thought it sounded like a corny show.”

“They ended up picking two guys anyway, so I would never have had a chance.” Brian Dunkleman, who was fired after the first season, was one, and Ryan Seacrest of course. But Peter’s statement was true. When I heard that the show was about people from all over the country auditioning to be the next music star, I just couldn’t see the appeal. I had clearly been wrong about that, so maybe I was wrong about this one, too.

A few days later I had a doctor’s appointment and had to miss an afternoon meeting. When I returned to the office, I asked Fortune what I’d missed and she said, “Oh, we had to work on some more ‘Who Would You Rathers’ and, oh, they said we can submit ideas to be considered to write on the movie Chelsea is starring in.”

“Do they have a title?