Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me - Chelsea's Family, Friends [45]
“Nothing. I just woke up.”
“The hotel is being evacuated. You have to pack up your stuff.”
“Oh, shit. Really? Why?”
“There’s a flood.”
“Where’s it coming from?”
“I don’t know. I’m not a plumber. Don’t you see water seeping through?”
I looked around our room and up at the ceiling. “No.”
“Well, you’re lucky. It’s all over my bathroom. And Roy’s bedroom is flooded. The water ruined his phone.”
I looked out the window. People were carrying about their business, and no one seemed in a hurry. “People outside are going to the pool, though.”
“Amber, stop fucking around! The concierge says we have twenty-six minutes until we’re swimming out of here! Get to the boat. I’ve got to finish packing.” She yelled out, “Rico, you can take that one bag by the door.”
Click. Dial tone. And away she went.
Shit. “Zoughi, we need to pack everything back up. We’re being evacuated.”
“Huh?” He looked out the window. “Why?”
“There’s a flood in the hotel.”
I took my suitcase and feverishly began to stuff it with all my clothes and crap. This was so annoying, since just eight hours prior, I had unpacked everything so nice and neatly.
Zoughi couldn’t have cared less about packing anything but his iPad.
We gathered our stuff and booked it out of the room. Because of my fear of taking an elevator in an emergency, we proceeded to the stairs. Thanks to Chelsea, we’d gotten a penthouse, and now thanks to Chelsea, we had to walk down sixteen flights of stairs with our oversize luggage in tow.
My bags clanked down each step, but there was no way I was going to lift seventy pounds. By the time we got to the bottom, we were soaked in sweat and out of breath. Unfortunately for us, we still had to get to the marina, on the other side of the property. Outside, everything still looked calm, though the hotel did seem more desolate than yesterday. I wondered where the water was coming from.
When we got on the boat, everyone was talking about the flood. Most had actually seen water seeping through the ceiling of their rooms. I looked around as everyone was talking and I noticed that Zoughi and I were the only ones with luggage.
“Where’s all your stuff?” I asked Chelsea.
“It’s being shipped.”
“What about yours?” I asked Ivory.
“Front desk has it.”
“So what happens when the lobby floods?”
“They’ll ship it!” Chelsea snapped.
I noticed that Chelsea had her arm in a sling. “What happened to you?” I asked, pointing at her arm.
“I slipped.”
“On water? It was that bad?”
“Don’t you ever listen? It was really bad in my room. I slipped and landed on my arm. The hotel nurse said it’s sprained.”
Chelsea walked off to the front of the boat, holding onto her arm. I felt bad for her. What a crappy way to spend the rest of your beach vacation.
“Where are we gonna stay?” I asked Ivory. “Do we have another hotel?”
“Chelsea’s checking into it now.”
Just as I said that, Chelsea came back over with the captain in tow.
“Hey, the captain says we’ve exceeded the weight limit on the boat. You have to get rid of some things in your bags.”
“You’re joking, right?”
Chelsea looked up toward the captain for support.
“No, ma’am.”
I couldn’t believe this. Were our clothes really going to make a difference with all the weight on the boat? Sounded like we needed to eliminate a person or two. But I didn’t want to make a scene, so I quietly kneeled down and unzipped my first bag. Chelsea took my other suitcase and started to pull stuff out by the handful. My heart raced a little faster as I saw all my hard folding work go down the tubes.
“These have got to go!” she said as she picked up a pair of flip-flops.
“What? They weigh nothing!”
“Well, something’s gotta go.”
I was becoming increasingly agitated as I took more stuff out of my bag: shoes, makeup, bathing suits, every charger known to man. There was a heaping pile growing higher and higher next to my suitcase. “What the hell do I do with all this?”
When I turned around to look at Chelsea, she was laughing uncontrollably. She was bright red and could barely breathe. “Throw it overboard” she said, holding her coslopus