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what he had learned from the biography. Bush couldn’t think of anything directly related to the life or work of Dean Acheson and went directly into his stump speech about how we have to be strong to keep the peace. When John McCain fielded his next question, he answered it quickly and used the rest of his time to talk in great detail about Acheson’s role in the creation of NATO and the Marshall Plan.

1Like the Heritage Foundation and every other conservative think tank does when it computes tax burdens, I am including here the employer’s portion of the payroll tax.

2Funnily enough, one candidate had said something about a war, or a recession, or a national emergency being an acceptable reason for running a deficit. It wasn’t Bush, though. Or Nader. It was Al Gore, who said at the Economic Club of Detroit on May 8, 1998: “Barring an economic reversal, a national emergency, or a foreign crisis, we should balance the budget this year, next year, and every year.”

3Actually, she’s an elementary school teacher in the Bronx, which I think is great. Though, given the state of the New York City economy, risky.

4Kasich, who is now presumably a Democrat, is substitute host on The O’Reilly Factor. Who says they aren’t fair and balanced?

5Examples include π or √¯2

6That’s what the yield would be in 2011 if the tax were in place.

7Kudos to Republicans who voted for the Feingold amendment: Chafee, Collins, Hutchison, McCain, Snowe, and Specter. Huge raspberries to the Democrats who crossed over: Baucus, Breaux, Cleland, Lincoln, Miller, Nelson of Florida, Nelson of Nebraska, and Wyden. Semi-kudos to Stevens of Alaska who did not vote.

Contents

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

INTRODUCTION

1 Hummus

2 Ann Coulter: Nutcase

3 You Know Who I Don’t Like? Ann Coulter

4 Liberals Who Hate America

5 Loving America the Al Franken Way

6 I Bitch-Slap Bernie Goldberg

7 The 2000 Presidential Election: How It Disproved the Hypothetical Liberal Media Paradigm Matrix

8 Conclusion: A Lesson Learned

9 Five Get-Rich-Quick Tips the Wall Street Fat Cats Don’t Want You to Know

10 Chapter for American Book

11 I’m Funnier than Kharap Juta

12 The Chapter on Fox

13 Bill O’Reilly: Lying, Splotchy Bully

14 Hannity and Colmes

15 The Blame-America’s- Ex-President-First Crowd

16 Operation Ignore

17 Our National Dialogue on Terrorism

18 Humor in Uniform

19 Who Created the Tone?

20 Did the Tone Change?

21 Why Did Anyone Think It Would Change?

22 I Grow Discouraged About the Tone

23 I’m Prudenized

24 Paul Gigot Is Unable to Defend an Incredibly Stupid Wall Street Journal Editorial

25 “This Was Not a Memorial to Paul Wellstone”: A Case Study in Right-Wing Lies

26 I Attend the White House Correspondents Dinner and Annoy Karl Rove, Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, and the Entire Fox News Team

27 The Lying Years

28 Bush Can’t Lose with Clinton’s Military

29 Operation Chickenhawk: Episode One

30 Fun with Racism

31 I’m a Bad Liar

32 Thank God for Jerry Falwell

33 Abstinence Heroes

34 Abstinence Heroes II

35 “By Far the Vast Majority of My Tax Cuts Go to Those at the Bottom”

36 The Waitress and the Lawyer: A One-Act Play

37 The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus

38 I Challenge Rich Lowry to a Fight

39 Vast Lagoons of Pig Feces: The Bush Environmental Record

40 I Meet Former First Lady Barbara Bush and It Doesn’t Go Well

41 My Personal Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction

42 The No Child Left Behind Standardized Test

43 What Is a Lie?

SOURCES AND NOTES

MEET TEAMFRANKEN

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ENDNOTES

DUTTON

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First printing, September 2003

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