Lies & the Lying Liars Who Tell Them_ A Fair & Balanced Look at the Right - Al Franken [89]
It was a complete fluke that I had any clue at all about Talents. Last year my son, Joe, had been assigned some New Testament readings in his mostly Jewish private high school and had to write a short paper on, yep, Talents. He couldn’t understand it and came to me. I couldn’t make any sense of it either, so I called Gary Bauer. That’s right. Gary Bauer, Goldberg’s “little nut from the Christian group.” As I said, Gary and I are friends. Honestly. It’s a long story. But we like each other. And what better guy to explain a parable in Matthew? (Not Acts.)
Gary wasn’t home, so his wife Carol, who’s also a friend (though I think she has grave doubts about me), explained Talents.
Since then, I’ve noticed that the only Biblical parable supply-siders ever mention is Talents. And, for all I can tell, it might be the only one Evans knows. But even I was surprised Evans didn’t know what book it was from.
What do you suppose those ten guys were really doing during their “scriptural boot camp”? Watching football? Eating pretzels? Plotting with Karl Rove how to use religious rhetoric to reassure the Christian right base that George W. was one of them?
Epilogue: Two days later, the right-wing website NewsMax.com ran a piece on me, “Al Franken Goes Fox Hunting at Correspondents Dinner,” saying that I “accosted a table full of Fox News Channel personalities, causing a scene that threatened to erupt into physical violence.”
[Brian] Kilmeade said Franken’s behavior was so deranged that some thought he was drunk, but that wasn’t the case. . . . “I personally thought we’d end up coming to blows.” According to Internet scribe Matt Drudge, when witnesses spotted the liberal ranter later he was bleeding from the chin. [boldface mine.] But Kilmeade said the altercation stopped short of throwing punches.
Drudge, remember, had seen me holding my handkerchief to my chin before the dinner. But these guys love to lie like Bill Bennett loves to gamble and Newt Gingrich loves to have mistresses.
I’m sorry. I don’t know if Newt is really cheating on this new wife of his. I hope they’re doing well. It’s just a running joke I’m using. I think that the personal life of a public official should stay out of the domain of our national discourse unless it affects his or her job performance or reveals a particularly craven level of hypocrisy. And on the latter point, I think Newt qualifies. Hence the running joke. I’m kidding about Newt’s infidelities. But, remember, I’m kidding on the square.
27
The Lying Years
I’ve known since the 2000 Republican National Convention in Philadelphia that if Bush and Cheney were elected, their time in office would be remembered by history as “The Lying Years.” That’s because, for the first time since the Free Soil convention of 1852, both the presidential and the vice presidential candidate of a major political party lied in their acceptance speeches.1
Bush lied while claiming that Clinton had undermined the readiness of the military. He said, “If called on by the commander in chief today, two entire divisions of the Army would have to report, ‘Not ready for duty, sir.’ ”
That was contradicted by the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Hugh Shelton; by Defense Secretary William Cohen; and by Bush’s own foreign policy advisor at the time, Richard Armitage, who is now deputy secretary of State. The following is an excerpt from a hearing of the Senate Arms Service Committee held a few days later. Carl Levin was the committee’s ranking member.
CARL LEVIN: But I want to get back to the two divisions not being ready for duty, because Mr. Armitage has not answered that. Are those two divisions ready for duty, or aren’t they?
RICHARD ARMITAGE: I believe those two divisions, Senator, are ready for duty.
LEVIN: That’s not what Governor Bush said the other night, and that’s why I think an apology is appropriate.
But instead of apologizing, Armitage bolted from the hearing room, knocking over veteran reporter Helen Thomas, breaking her hip and jaw.
Cheney’s lie was more subtle,