Life and Laughing_ My Story - Michael McIntyre [119]
Sam Geddes
Sam is married and lives in Hong Kong doing a job that nobody understands. He seems to be successful at it. I told him he features quite heavily in my book and he said, ‘You haven’t mentioned the boxing, have you?’
Sandrine
The girl who popped my cherry found happiness with Panos Triandafilidis, the Greek kid from Merchant Taylors’. He works as a ferry driver and they live in Dover and have a holiday home in Calais. They have three of the hairiest babies the world has ever seen. (False)
Mark Cousins
I was nominated this year for a Royal Television Society Award for my performance on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. I lost to Harry Hill. Another low point was when Ant and Dec walked towards me and I shouted, ‘Ant and Dec!’ only to find it was actually Ant and some other guy called Paul. I was just so used to seeing them together that I saw one and assumed the other one would be next to him. The high point of the evening was running into Mark Cousins, who was also nominated for a film he had made. I told him I was writing this book and that he was the first person to believe in me. We shared a hug. It was lovely to see him again, and to meet ‘Ant and Paul’.
‘It’s complicated’ guy
I don’t give a shit.
Paul Duddridge
Gave up being an agent and answered his true calling. He is now a successful motivational speaker and self-help guru in Los Angeles.
Brummie Jongleurs comedian
After years of legal wrangling, he won substantial damages from Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Woody Allen, Robin Williams and the estate of Richard Pryor for stealing his material. (False)
Jongleurs
The Jongleurs empire that I used to play went out of business. The original owner is now relaunching a series of clubs still using the Jongleurs name. Good luck to them.
Paul Tonkinson
Paul and I are still very close. He came to one of my shows at the Manchester Arena, where there were 13,000 people in the audience. I thought it was one of my best nights of the tour. ‘It was good, but I still think you could be better,’ he told me afterwards.
Charlotte Church
Just for the record, I do not fancy her. (False)
Jason Orange
Jason made an incredible comeback with the rest of Take That, who played Wembley Stadium on their last tour. As far as I’ve been told, they are returning this year to play the Royal Variety Performance alongside the youngest ever host in its history, me.
So what about me?
Well, I cleared my debts and paid off my DFS sofa that my wife re-upholstered and is downstairs as I write. I’m going to be honest; I more than paid off my debts, so thanks to you for buying my DVDs and coming to see my live shows. I also finally got on the property ladder. After much house-hunting, we found our dream family home in Hampstead. When my parents divorced, I thought I would never be able to afford to return to leafy Hampstead. Well, not only have I returned, but in a bizarre twist of fate, I bought a house on the very road where I grew up. Just twenty-two houses up the road from the house we sold to the Osbournes in 1984. Outside Kitty’s and my bedroom window is the road I used to walk on with my dad, and the road I walked alone when he died.
It’s been a strange circle of life coming back here. Stranger still when my mum and Steve visited, and Steve helped me paint my office walls Brinja No. 222 from Farrow & Ball, although he started having flashbacks and rag-rolled them at first. My mum, Steve and I couldn’t resist knocking on the door of our old house, and the present owner, a sweet Jewish gentleman, very kindly showed us around.
It was weird to see my parents’ old room again, after all these years, where my dad used to blow his morning breath into my baby face. Surreal to see the once dark jungle-like out-of-bounds living room now light and modernized, and to see Lucy’s and my old bedroom with the ceiling that once fell on us. Unfortunately, Steve had another flashback and made a pass at the present owner’s wife.
After the Royal Variety, I sold out just about every venue I played.