Life and Laughing_ My Story - Michael McIntyre [85]
The Store is owned and run by the legendary Don Ward, ‘The Don’. Don could easily sit back and rest on his laurels. His club is the hottest comedy ticket in town. But Don has always supported new talent. On every bill of the best stand-ups around, he will give an ‘open spot’ a chance. It’s part of the tradition of the Comedy Store and fun for the audience to see how a rookie fares; but for the new acts it’s an incredible opportunity to test themselves at the highest level and potentially get a leg up in what my dad called ‘the toughest business there is.’
Having spoken to other new acts during my first five ill-fated gigs, it became apparent that competition for ‘open spot’ places at the Comedy Store was fiercer than for the stool next to Kitty in the pub. Apparently, it was at least a six-month waiting list to get a five-minute spot. This was perfect for me; I needed those six months to prepare. My plan was to work every day and gig as much as possible. Then I would take my big chance at the Store with the big boys and under the watchful eye of Don Ward, who would then set me on the path to glory. I daydreamed about this sequence of events repeatedly. The audience would be whooping and cheering as I took my triumphant bow and then I would call for Kitty like Rocky calling ‘Adrian’ having defeated Apollo Creed in Rocky I (Adrian? Apollo Creed must have thought he’d been beaten by a homosexual). Kitty would run into my arms as the audience gave me a standing ovation.
This dream was a long way off. I had only received one laugh as a stand-up. Kitty had no romantic interest in me and thought I was seeing a fictional girl. Also the Comedy Store has a strict policy about the audience getting onstage. Enormous bouncers are poised throughout the show, so Kitty would have been physically removed from the club before she made it to my arms.
I telephoned the Comedy Store and got a date, in one year. Although it seemed like too long, I felt that at least I’d be ready. I took a deep breath when I hung up the phone. I had one year to make this daydream a reality. Rather than getting straight to work, I decided to have the daydream again. Just as I reached the bit where the audience were whooping and cheering, the phone rang. My heart leapt at the prospect of Kitty’s numbers lighting up the display but it simply read ‘Unavailable’. ‘Unavailable’ is a gamble, but my life was at the stage where I had to gamble, I had to pick it up.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, is that Michael?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s Charlotte from the Comedy Store. We’ve just had an open spot drop out of the show tonight. I can’t get hold of anyone, and your number was in front of me. So do you want to go on?’
‘Tonight?’ I said in disbelief.
‘Yes, I’m sorry it’s such short notice.’
This was a split-second decision. I wanted six months to prepare, I thought I had a year, now I had an afternoon.
‘OK, I’ll do it.’
18
I had been going to the Comedy Store with my sister regularly since I became a stand-up. I watched the acts thinking, ‘I’m going to be on that stage one day.’ It was an exhilarating feeling. The best comic I had seen there was Terry Alderton. He was sensational, a powerhouse who had the whole audience on their feet at the end. It was inspiring to see a man reduce an audience to tears of laughter.
As I headed out on the Tube with my sister to make my Comedy Store debut, I thought about Terry’s performance and realized I had made a terrible mistake. I was totally out of my depth. I was going to ruin everything. I was so nervous and panicked, I was struggling