Life and Laughing_ My Story - Michael McIntyre [97]
‘Call me!’ he said.
I couldn’t believe it. This was momentous. I chatted to the other comedians, who all endorsed him as a top comedy agent. He wanted to be my agent. Me! I sold mobiles for a living and hosted a weekly comedy night in Twickenham for fifty people. I’m moving into the big time.
I raced home in my Austin Metro and into Kitty’s arms, clutching the now sweaty business card.
‘It went so well, it was amazing, the best night ever, and this agent gave me his card. I think I got an agent, he said I could be the best. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.’
I showed Kitty the business card. I loved the words ‘Artist Management’. I was an artist now. I knew it.
Kitty and I sat on the sofa in the living room (although after thirty seconds, it was a bed), talking late into the night. She told me how she never doubted me and how proud she was. Although it had seemed like a tough year, it had only been one year, that’s nothing. Watch out Jimmy Carr and Daniel Kitson, I’m coming! Hannah Chambers made a mistake turning me down, because I’m an artist, an artist with management.
I’m not a Marks & Spencer pullover, I am a Marks & Spencer smoked salmon parcel.
Within days I had a meeting with Duddridge at his offices in Barons Court. He was an amazingly impressive character with strong philosophies on the comedy business. I couldn’t really take them all in, but they all sounded wonderful. He said that if I did everything he said, I would be successful. He was like a comedy guru, a life coach, focusing on the mental side of things. He used a lot of proverbs such as ‘You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink’, ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’, ‘Act like a king to be treated like a king’, ‘Lie down with dogs and wake up with fleas’.
I couldn’t follow everything, but there was no doubt he was an inspirational orator. I felt uplifted and ready to rule the world.
‘Don’t make a decision now,’ he said ushering me out, ‘have a think about it, then call me.’
Driving home, my head was buzzing with his voice. When I got home to Kitty, I tried to remember some of the stuff he had said.
‘How did it go, Michael? Tell me everything!’ she asked, as I came through the door.
‘Well, he said lots of stuff. He’s an amazing character; he was like a motivational speaker.’
‘But can you remember anything he said?’ she pressed.
‘Err, something about a king being taken to water … and lying down with your enemies’ dogs … I don’t remember exactly.’
‘What are you talking about, Michael?’
‘He said I need to wake up and drink fleas.’
‘What?’
‘You had to be there. You’re going to love him. He’s a successful agent, he really believes in me. I’ve got to go for it, right?’
Early the next day I called him, and he became my first agent. I waited until 6 p.m., off-peak, and used my free minutes to phone in my resignation to Dial-a-Mobile, and went out for a celebratory dinner. This was the beginning. I knew it. Within days things started to change for the better. The best news of all was that I was being fast-tracked by the mighty Jongleurs empire. A combination of my successful open spot at Camden and the clout of Duddridge meant that I immediately had a whole string of gigs booked at their clubs around the country. Within months I became a jobbing comedian, performing twenty-minute sets at Jongleurs clubs in Oxford, Birmingham, Leeds, Southampton, Portsmouth, Cardiff, Nottingham – in fact, just think of a major city and there was a Jongleurs.
Jongleurs was open on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. So each week I would be in a different city and pulling in around £500 a week. Each bill consisted of three comedians and a compere. The first act would be the most inexperienced, followed by a stronger act and then an interval before the headline act. I was on first. This was to be expected as I was new and inexperienced. I had to work my way up the bill. Being first actually suited me as I liked to drive home