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our favorite vintners. When I asked him why he wasn’t drinking, he told me he’d given up all alcohol when his son was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He’d done some research and discovered that it was a natural progression for a child with this disorder to become an alcoholic. He and his wife decided that having liquor around the house would make it easier and more natural for their son to think it would be all right to have a couple of drinks, which could possibly lead him down a trail that his parents didn’t want to be responsible for. To me, that’s great parenting—and that’s what it takes to break the cycle of addiction.

The same theory holds true for the four addictions from which we all suffer. It’s all about cause and effect. My goal is to help you identify these four addictions in your life, become more conscious of them, and then create the change that will inevitably set you free.

Still not convinced of what I’m saying? Check out the following list. If any of the statements resonate with you, you’re an addict.

ADDICTION

ADDICTION TO OPINIONS OF OTHERS

I became aware of addiction number one after a meeting with one of my most trusted and respected mentors, Bill Mitchell.

“If you were to die today,” I said, “what’s the most important lesson you’d want to pass on to your only granddaughter?”

He thought a moment before answering. I could see his eyes welling up as he pondered his response.

“Most people care way too much about what everybody else thinks. I have the most beautiful granddaughter, but whether I think she’s beautiful, or somebody else doesn’t think she’s beautiful—neither of these things really matters. If she could understand that it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about her, only what she thinks about herself, then I’d know in my heart that she’d be okay throughout her life. She will have the inner confidence to go out there in the world and do anything she wants.”

Bill’s inspiration made me consider other ways in which this phenomenon might manifest. I thought about fashion and why designer labels are so important to some people, and the importance of driving the right car or having the right address or title on your business card. It all boiled down to image and impressions.

Then I took my thoughts to the next level and began to wonder what stops an unhappy woman from leaving her husband or lover. To what extent is that decision inhibited by her worry about what other people might think or what the neighbors might say? Is she concerned about what her children or her parents will think? Ultimately, these questions come down to us looking for approval, and in some cases making sure we don’t receive disapproval from others. The need for approval has been instilled in us from the day we were born. It is taught to us by our parents, grandparents, church, school, work, and most everyone we come into contact with on a daily basis. Society has put us into a place where approval from others is highly important. Approval from others gives us a sense of higher self-esteem. We’re convinced that their recognition matters to our self-worth and how deeply we value ourselves. We all want validation, but it is unhealthy if everything we do is strictly about getting it.

There are two types of decision makers in the world. Internal decision makers self-analyze every step, every option, every possible outcome and never talk it through with others. They know what they know and don’t need the opinion of others to validate their point. This doesn’t mean they don’t care about others’ opinions. In fact, my experience is that it is quite the opposite. They’ve been burned so many times that their self-defense mechanism kicks in and they choose to make their decisions on their own as a way of avoiding rejection.

TOM FERRY’S THE SURE SIGNS OF FOUR ADDICTIONS

These are merely ideas to help you identify how each addiction could be showing up in your life. Do not reject the addiction if you don’t relate to the six examples in each category. Think about situations in your life that might