Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [32]
When I asked Carol, “Where do you feel the most resistance?” she immediately shared her parents’ feelings about her decision to become a real estate agent. They told her it was irresponsible for her to leave a steady paycheck working as an accountant to get into the risky business of real estate. Even though she did it anyway, her parents continually reminded her of her mediocre success. Carol was clearly suffering from addiction number one. Like most children, even when they’re in their forties, she was still seeking the approval of her parents. The conflict was that she recognized that her former job was a dead end. She had already taken it as far as she could go financially, and her desire to create a better life for her children was stronger than her anxiety about starting a new career.
Can you imagine being Carol—stuck between your vision and the desire to have approval from your parents? What would you have done? Add to this a declining real estate market, an uncertain income, constant struggles with her children, and trying to find a date too!
Carol struggled with her addiction to the opinions of others throughout the year we spent together. I had to slowly chip away at those layers, helping her to realize that her parents’ intentions weren’t bad; they were just trying to protect their daughter. They did the best they knew how, which was intended to be a continual expression of protection. Their vision was for her to play it safe. Unfortunately, it didn’t match Carol’s vision for herself. She needed to honor who her parents were but not take their words personally or let them hold her back. By the end of our year of coaching, Carol had learned to be aware of what her parents had to say and then file it in its proper place, giving their doubt no value and not letting it feed her insecurity.
Today, I am proud to say that Carol is still a client and doing well in real estate. She ran the San Diego marathon, dropped thirty-five pounds, and has done many things in her life to get closer to her overall vision of being an independent and successful provider for her family. And she has slowly let go of her addiction.
The addiction to the opinions of others affects areas of your life in ways you may not even be aware of. For example, your decision to live in a particular neighborhood, drive a certain car, send your kid to private school, wear only designer labels, take the “right” vacations, or join the “right” clubs are all tied to what someone else thinks. If you wear a Rolex watch or drive a Mercedes-Benz, is it because you love them or is it because you know that other people will see them as signs of success?
Ask yourself, “Have I overextended myself financially? Did I buy things I couldn’t afford?” If the answer is yes, why did you make those choices? Chances are, it’s because you’ve been playing a fierce game of keeping up with the Joneses—a sure sign you’re addicted to the opinions of others.
I was introduced to John, a young entrepreneur, by a client of mine. The three of us met for lunch in Beverly Hills. John pulled up in an exotic sports car, flashed a diamond-encrusted gold Rolex, was dressed in the finest clothes, and was super bling. The three of us chatted to make our formal introductions before my client had to leave. Once we were free to speak openly, I asked John about his past and how he got to where he is today. He shared the all-too-common story of the kid from the other side of the tracks with divorced parents, always financially scraping by, dreaming that someday he could become a multimillionaire. As we talked about his business, his early success, and what became a rather excessive lifestyle, John told me that he never saw something he didn’t want to buy. Whether it was the latest gadget, jewelry, clothes, or cars, he always had to have the newest and best of everything.
When I asked him “Why?” his response was simple.
“In my industry, people want to know that they’re working with someone who is highly successful,” he said with a cocky air