Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [34]
Because we are the stories we tell ourselves, they affect the way we behave. When we release ourselves from an old story, we let go of our self-imposed conversations and traps that keep us stuck. In the process, we become more sure of ourselves, doubt ourselves less, become more expressive, and are more likely to make decisions that move our life forward because we’re no longer living from that story in our mind that has been holding us back. After my client came out to her parents, she no longer lived with her fear of being caught in a lie or living inauthentically, especially around the people who mattered most to her. When she wasn’t being honest about her sexuality with her family, whether she was aware of it or not, she wasn’t being honest in other areas of her life either. She certainly wasn’t living By Design. And when you’re living by default, you are worried about what other people think, living in constant drama and fear.
My client’s ability to become complete in her life, not just with her parents but also with herself, allowed her to release from those areas that were holding her back. As a result, within a few months her production went up, her business was on its way to a new level, and her life blossomed. She realized that her relationship was no longer working, and subsequently fell in love with her soul mate. She has since found a balance and harmony in her life she never dreamed of achieving.
When I faced the difficult personal decision to leave my family business, I thought, If I leave, who will I be? A great deal of my adult self-image had been fostered and developed there. I worried what my wife would think if the money suddenly disappeared and I could no longer provide for our family in the same way. I worried what my friends would think if I had to sell our second home in the desert and they could no longer come for visits on weekends. Yet, with all of those questions, it wasn’t until I asked one very important one that I realized what I needed to do: Why would I continue to stay in a situation that was making me increasingly miserable?
After many discussions with my wife and several mentors, I realized that the only solution was to do what was right for me, no matter the outcome. Of course, I also knew that I could not stay if I wanted to be happy. When I was able to let go of caring about what other people thought and make my decisions free and clear of other people’s opinions, I could easily make my decision and powerfully move forward on my own terms.
I never feared public speaking, but I find it a common trait with many of my clients. When I ask them why they feel this way, most often it’s because they worry about looking foolish in front of other people, especially their bosses or peers. Some also fear that their listeners will disapprove, criticize, or even walk out of the room when they are speaking. They get so nervous that they work themselves into a frenzy. Their palms get sweaty, their throat tightens up, their mouth gets dry, and they may even get light-headed just thinking about their presentation. Once they start talking, their voice trembles, their knees or legs shake, and they may stutter as they try to speak. This type of humiliation can destroy a person’s ego and confidence. When I remind clients that the audience is generally on their side—after all, they’re there to support and not destroy their vision—it takes away the power they’ve given to the people sitting in the room. This kind of fear is closely tied to an addiction to the opinions of others.
I recently saw an exceptional Nike ad showing clips of Lance Armstrong and other athletes during various phases of physical rehabilitation. The voice-over is of Armstrong repeating all the negative comments people made about him throughout his illness.
“They say I’m a doper.”
“They said I would never get back on the bike.”
The entire dialogue was negative and against this remarkable athlete until the last line, where he says, “I’m not back on the bike for them.”
This commercial is a perfect example