Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [47]
People get overwhelmed because they cannot control their thoughts. I tell my clients that when this happens, they are actually underplanned—they haven’t taken the time to get all the thoughts out of their head and onto a piece of paper. Once they can visually see what they’re up against, they plan appropriately.
EXERCISE
Write out a list of everything that worries you. Write down every negative thought in your head that makes you feel emotional and afraid. Take your list to a close friend, loved one, or someone you respect and tell them you’d like to read them the list of things you worry about. See how they respond. Do they think your fears are valid, or do they say you have nothing to worry about? Let them be your voice of reason.
Second, read each item on your list and ask yourself, using a scale of 1 to 10, “What is the likelihood of this ever happening?”
A client named Carol called me from her car, frantic and panicked. I could hear her whizzing down the highway in her convertible.
“I just can’t take it anymore!” she screamed into the phone.
When I asked her what was going on, she rattled off one thing after another.
“My business is going full-tilt boogie. My daughter is about to get married, and I’m in the middle of a divorce. I need to stay engaged in my business, I’m dating a wonderful guy, and I’m thinking of moving. But before any of that, I need a vacation!” It was clear that the wedding and divorce were overwhelming her. She began to cry as she wondered how she would be able to walk her daughter down the aisle without her husband. I let her cry it out until it was time to step in.
“Are you ready to hear what I have to say, Carol?” I didn’t wait for her to answer. I kept talking, hoping she would hear me.
“There is no more worry. You’re overwhelmed, which means you’re underplanned. So, let’s get back to your list and create a strategy to get you through each layer of stress.” I took all of the worry and drama and put it into a plan for action to make the weeks ahead less daunting. I told her that simply acknowledging the stress and overwhelming worries puts the brakes on them. But talking about it isn’t enough. Making decisions about what is real and what needs your time and attention is key to removing a worry from your life.
A big part of my job as a coach is bringing each client’s vision to life by talking about it as if it has already happened. I believe in their possibilities. I set high expectations and demand that my clients live up to them. I wouldn’t be in their lives if they weren’t looking to do something extraordinary. I work with people who are driven to do and become something big. We may not always know what it is in the beginning, but it’s always transformational. Removing doubt, worry, pessimistic thoughts, and negative self-talk is a giant part of the journey.
I worked with a thirty-eight-year-old man named Eric who was recovering from a heart attack. When I asked him what brought on the attack, he said he was stressed out all the time. He was in high-pressure sales and was very successful. The more we talked, the more I could tell that he had a knack for turning his worry into a story that supported it. But it kept him up at night, so, on top of the endless mind chatter, he was sleep deprived. No wonder this guy’s heart gave out. When I asked Eric specifically what he worried about, he said, “Everything.” That’s a lot of worry!
“Give me an example,” I said. I was curious where his first thoughts would go.
“I’m worried I might have another heart attack. If I do, what will happen to my kids? And what if I can’t make a living and can’t care for them?” He took me down a black diamond ski run of “what if’s.” As I continued talking with Eric, I gave him an assignment. I wanted him to make a list of everything he worried about and then delegate all of his worries to me by emailing