Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [49]
Thankfully, my kids get my message frequently and repeatedly. Occasionally, it’s their old man who needs a tap on the shoulder to remind me that I sometimes fall victim to these addictions. My older son, Michael, is a terrific kid who loves sports and tries extremely hard when he’s playing, especially basketball. I found myself watching a game last season worried that the game would be over before Michael got another chance to play. The clock was running down, his team was trailing by several points, and Michael was begging his coach to let him get back into the game. The coach put him in seconds before the final buzzer. As the clock ticked down, one of his teammates threw him the ball. It was a win the game/lose the game shot. Michael tossed the ball up, but it hit the rim and bounced out. My heart immediately sank, and I worried that my boy would feel awful about losing the game (addiction to worry).
I wondered if other parents would be upset that Michael didn’t make the winning shot (addiction to opinions of others).
All of these negative thoughts raced through my mind as I watched my son congratulate the other team (addiction to drama).
When he was through, Michael ran off the court happy as a clam. All he had wanted to do was play the game. I suddenly realized I had fallen into that addictive way of thinking and quickly reminded myself that it was a basketball game where nine-year-olds were out there doing their best. If other parents put any significance on that final shot, they had their own issues to deal with. I told Michael how proud I was and then took him out for a father-son dinner.
I don’t claim to be perfect. I am human, and even though I live By Design 99 percent of the time, things happen every day that test me. These are important moments to acknowledge because they keep me grounded, rooted in reality, and able to understand that we all can fall victim to these addictions. The key to creating long-lasting change in your life starts with acknowledging that you suffer from these addictions but are no longer willing to have them control your life.
By now you’ve read enough to know that you’re most likely living by default. If I’ve done my job right so far, you’re eager and motivated to begin your shift toward living By Design. I’ve made you aware of any resistance in your life, so the only thing that will stop you from transitioning from by default to By Design is your choice not to proceed, which stems from your fear of change.
Change is a sudden disruption in the way you’ve been living that forces you to see the world from a new perspective. Change is often uncomfortable. But know this: You are driving the train that is pulling your professional and personal well-being. Your angst is a sign you’re on the right track.
Change can occur in several ways. It can be brought on by a crisis, such as losing your job or being diagnosed with a debilitating disease. It can occur cyclically, when things simply change around you, such as a child going off to college or your own retirement. And there is visionary change, which I focus on in this chapter. Visionary change is the most empowering kind of change because it inspires and requires you to be proactive in your own life.
Do you have the strength, the desire, and the courage to make that shift—to change?
Courage is the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action. It is a willingness to look fear in the eye, accept the worst-case scenario, and continue to take action anyway.
Mark Twain said, “Courage is the mastery of fear—not the absence of it.” I say that courage is the power to act in spite of fear. General George Patton, one of America’s greatest military leaders, admitted that he was “not a brave man” but “an utter craven coward.” He said the sound of gunshots