Life! By Design_ 6 Steps to an Extraordinary You - Laura Morton [56]
Here’s a tip when asking for someone else’s opinion on something this personal: Tell them they’ve got your permission to speak as freely as possible because you are really committed to change. Let them know you want them to be authentic in their response. Create a safe environment so they know they can be completely honest and you will not become defensive. Agree that you will listen without fear or judgment and then allow them to speak without being interrupted.
My mentor and good friend Bill Mitchell once told me, “No true relationship can exist where the fear of the consequences of the truth are present.” You’re in this to win. You’re reading this book and you’ve come this far because you want an extraordinary life, don’t you?
“No true relationship can exist where the fear of the consequences of the truth are present.”
—Bill Mitchell
Step 2: Make the choice to change your life.
Knowing you are in need of life adjustments is a great start, but it simply isn’t enough. You have to act on it. The more pain you can associate with the way you no longer want to be, the more likely you are to make the necessary changes. Don’t be afraid to get upset or a little depressed or to have regret for letting the pendulum swing so far out of bounds. Those emotions are what will drive your declaration that you’ve made the right decision and that it is time to change.
Change is hard, not only for you but for everyone around you. Your family and friends may have a more difficult time with your desire to change because they live so comfortably in your default world. I call these people “defaulters.” They’re the ones who worry about what your changes will mean for them. In some cases, they may not be part of your future plans because they simply don’t fit into the new vision. For example, if you’ve been living with your partner in a passionless relationship and your goal is to have a relationship full of passion, which you know your partner isn’t capable of giving to you, you will likely be faced with making a hard decision to leave that relationship.
Let’s look at that particular circumstance. Is the decision hard for you? Or does it merely appear hard because of the effect it will have on someone else? More important, is the relationship one of mutual default or mutual design?
By default would be choosing to stay in the relationship and allow things to remain exactly the same because it is easier than making changes or leaving. By Design is the willingness to confront the situation, create mutual solutions, and try to fix the problem. If, after attempts to improve your relationship, you both feel you gave it your best effort but still can’t come to a place of mutual satisfaction, By Design would be making the choice to leave so you both can have what you want.
Let’s say you’re living with a man who is eating himself toward a heart attack, and you want to take control of your health and vitality. You’ve made a commitment to eating healthier, exercising more, and not overindulging.
How does his behavior impact yours?
Do you eat a little more than you should or make the wrong food choices when you’re together?
How do you think those habits affect other areas of your life?
Do they affect your sleep patterns?
Exercise routine?
Are you gaining weight and feeling tired all the time?
And, if you’re overeating, are you living as a positive example for your children?
A classic example of this dilemma is when a husband gains weight during his wife’s pregnancy. The idea is that you’ll both go through pregnancy, both gain the baby weight, and then lose it together after the baby is born. More often than not, the baby comes, but the excess weight never goes.
Why?
Because you’ve both fallen into unhealthy habits that can seem impossible to break.
But what happens when only one of you decides to change?
That would probably rock your partner’s world to the core, especially if