Like Warm Sun on Nekkid Bottoms - Charles Austen [17]
“Ewww! Yes, it is!” And finally, with a look of total revulsion on her face, she turned and ran away from him.
“Okay. You’re right,” he called after her. “Mandrill’s a stupid costume. What about Hellcat! You’d be so hot as Hellcat! And I’d consider being Son of Satan! He’s not too gay-looking.”
But the woman was gone. She had reached the building’s exit and slammed through its door, barely more than a Jesse Quick speed blur that was quickly lost in the crowd.
“Maddie?”
Morgan stood silently for a minute, watching for any distant sign of her.
“See you tomorrow!” he finally called cheerily, smiling and waving at no one.
After a minute or so of looking to see if she’d turned around to see his farewell, he looked over to me.
“It’s great how women totally dig comics fans, now that all the superhero movies have shown how right and cool we were all along.”
“The movies show that?”
“Duh.”
“Well, she’s certainly attractive.”
“She’s not attractive,” he said doing air-quotes around ‘attractive’, “she’s HOT. I can tell, man. I have pictured her naked. She’d look so great in our lingerie. Like Emma Frost. I’m getting her some for her birthday. Put that company discount to some good use.”
“Lingerie? But you’re not…” It seemed impossible, “…dating, are you?”
“Not yet. But once I get her the lingerie…” He pumped his fist in a gesture that was hard to interpret but might have indicated something sexual to a female mastodon, and I nodded as if I understood. We turned and began walking together toward the door at the opposite end of the building from where ‘Maddie’ had made good her escape.
“Buying lingerie for a fellow employee might be considered harassment.”
“Yeah, right,” he sneered.
“I’m serious.”
“What are you? Harassment Man?” he asked, apparently amazed at my stupidity. “Nothing’s harassment. I took that anti-harassment thing HR makes you do online. Now I can say whatever I want and it’s okay.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
He cocked an eye toward me with a ‘what do you know’ expression.
“She can cook, too. Look.” He showed me some of the food in his mouth. “She made that. Madelyn Windom’s world-famous zucchini bread. She threw it to me when she saw me coming.”
“Threw it ‘to’ you? Or threw it ‘at’ you?”
“To. At. Same thing, Proper English Man. Want some?”
“Do you have any that isn’t pre-chewed?”
He offered up a Ziploc baggie so I took a greasy piece and joined the fun. Madelyn Windom’s zucchini bread truly was a marvel. You couldn’t taste the zucchini.
“Heard you had a day today.” Morgan said, smiling evilly through another mouthful.
“That’s putting it mildly.”
“Did you really dry hump a model in the fitting room?”
“What? Good God, no! Is that what people are saying?”
Morgan smiled. “No. Just some nonsense about a water bottle that was so lame everyone knew it had to be bullshit. Of course, they might be saying it tomorrow if you don’t go to the comic book convention with me.”
“I don’t know how many ways I can say ‘no’, Morgan. Should I try Russian? Nyet. German? Nein. Swedish?” I paused. How did you say ‘no’ in Swedish? How did you say anything in Swedish? I’m not even sure how the Swede’s speak the language.
“Come on,” he cajoled. “It’ll be fun.”
“A comic convention? No it won’t. You always say ‘it’ll be fun’, and it never is. Not even remotely. Those things are always filled with lots of people like that fat, rude guy on the Simpsons. Overweight, balding ‘writers’ who think they have a right to be surly to you because they’re the latest hired hand on ‘Boogie Man and His Disco Sidekicks’. Plus, everyone there has a body that should never be seen in public, yet there they are—exposing themselves in brightly colored superhero spandex, thongs, and electrician’s tape.”
“Not everyone dresses like that.”
“You only need one.”
“That’s the best part of the show!”
“If I thought people in outrageous costumes was ‘the best part of the show’, I’d find a way to stay at work.”
“Find a way?”
“Um. Yeah. Um…I can’t because…”
I flushed as I remembered why. Fortunately Morgan is in no way emotionally sensitive