Like Warm Sun on Nekkid Bottoms - Charles Austen [81]
“Ummmm…” I said. “Excellent use of grammar there. Most people would say ‘to who?’ I like that you use…” She glowered at me, and I paused for far too long, making the answer blazingly obvious. “To…em…me.”
“To you.”
Her face hardened. I didn’t like it that way. I preferred it the way it had looked when she’d first heard I had come to see her. I wanted that face back. I tried thinking of amusing jokes I might tell her, but for some reason all I could think of was Opus.
“She thinks she’s here to marry you,” Ms. Nuckeby said, as if she were speaking to a three-year-old.
“See, that’s the fascinating part,” I said. “Last night, after you left…”
She dropped my head back into the anthill, stood and looked at me with disgust.
“Men and big tits,” she snarled, then turned instantly and walked away.
“What? No!”
I sat up and called to her, but she wouldn’t turn around. Not that I minded looking at her from this angle, naked as she was, but I really wanted her to come back to me.
“Ms. Nuckeby!”
I considered calling out how great her tits were, that this had nothing to do with Mindie’s tits, but reconsidered for various reasons, none of which had anything to do with common sense, believe me.
Ignoring me completely, Ms. Nuckeby passed between the other nudists who had clustered behind her and headed back down through the bushes toward the beach. Her friends all looked at me sadly, some of them confused, then slowly pulled themselves away and turned to follow her. I tried to stand, but had some difficulty owing to the fact that I had a rather large tree branch stuck in my pants. By the time I removed it, Mindie had arrived with the others, and Ms. Nuckeby was long gone.
Mindie ran over to me, genuine concern in her voice.
“Dear, God, Corky!” she said. “What happened?”
“I…uh…I slipped on a…uh…rodent or something,” I lied.
She moved to help me up then recoiled when she got a good look at me, apparently fearing ants, disease—or ants with disease.
“Help him up,” she said, backing away and gesturing to Morgan and the Pastor, who had followed her down. Ms. Waboombas was actually the first one to reach me, and lifted me off the ground almost entirely by herself, though the others vaguely helped her as she supported me. They all brushed away ants, and I tested my limbs. Nothing broken, apparently, other than my will to live.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“Well, that’s something,” Mindie said. “But you look horrid. You need to get cleaned up before anyone sees you.”
I stared at her, dumbfounded.
“Who’s going to see me?”
“People,” Mindie said, as if it were bad enough that she had seen me. “Besides. I want you to be presentable for the wedding.”
There was a sudden, sharp snarl from the bushes near the shore, and for a moment I thought I saw a woman’s face in the leaves. But it disappeared quickly into the shadows and went silent. Everyone in our group turned to look around for the source of the animalistic sound, and Mindie moved behind me for safety. I’m not sure how she thought I would provide any. Maybe she just hoped it wouldn’t be hungry for her once it had eaten me.
“We should be going,” Mindie said nervously. “Who knows what wild animals live in these woods.”
Suddenly, several ‘creatures’ with very human voices barked, and woofed, and growled from the shadows of the nearby foliage. Mindie and the others jumped and began hurrying back up the stairs toward the car, leaving Ms. Waboombas to lift and carry me by herself, which seemed to be no problem for her. I had to get the name of her personal trainer.
“In all honesty,” I said, turning to yell over Ms. Waboombas shoulder and into the bushes. “I PREFER WILD ANIMALS TO DOMESTICATED BEASTS!”
Ms. Waboombas looked at me like beans had begun magically spilling from my nostrils, but she couldn’t deny that the bushes suddenly became very quiet and still.
“It’s why I came here,” I said, still more to the bushes than anyone near me. “Not because I’m a fan of…” I paused, considering, “…overabundant