Like Warm Sun on Nekkid Bottoms - Charles Austen [95]
Waboombas smiled sinisterly, and started to say something. I prayed for her to be struck mute. God visited all kinds of nasty wrath upon Job, and he was a good person. Was a little laryngitis so much to call down on a stripper/pornographer with implants?
“Let the man use the toilet,” she said. Which shocked me.
“Butt out,” Mindie said.
“You said ‘butt’,” Waboombas snickered in an excellent Beavis impersonation. Or was it Butt-Head?
“Are you going to see her?” Mindie asked me again, ignoring the stripper, her eyes now squinting at my face and studying me.
Suddenly her eyes jerked again down to my crotch, as if she would catch my penis off-guard trying to sneak itself erect.
“See her? Mindie! Why would I want to see anyone else when you’re here? Your breasts are larger, and…and you’re naked, I might add!”
That caught her off-guard. I think she had forgotten she had stripped for her meal. She pulled the menu tighter against her breasts, and nodded once slowly as if to say, ‘excellent point’.
“I mean, look at you,” I said. “You’re…”
“Don’t be common,” she sniffed, then waved a hand. “We don’t want your-you-know-what—becoming all…you know again at the thought of me. Remember what happened to the car.” She paused a bit, staring at me like a child you just can’t make behave no matter how hard you try. “All right. Go on, then,” she continued. “Just be sure to use several of those paper ring thingies for the toilet seat. One could never be enough in this place.”
I smiled, nodded agreement, and turned away without another word. The last thing I needed was for my poor language skills to get me into deeper trouble.
“While you’re in there, think of ways to get us OUT of here!” Mindie called to my back. “CORKY?”
I didn’t acknowledge. No time for any more delays. Ms. Nuckeby beckoned.
I rounded the corner, out of sight of the others, and ran into our waitress. I know this because the nametag hanging from her chokerbowtie said ‘Petal’.
“Oh! Petal!” I said, startled and trying not to let on that I had been able to read her nametag in the first place because I’d been looking at her breasts. “Hello. I’m sitting at one of your tables.”
“Yes. I’m sorry,” Petal said, smiling and chirpy—if a bit harried. “I’ll be there for your drink orders as fast as I can. We’re a bit busy today. We have this festival thing all weekend, you know, and people actually came for it. Are you here for the Summertime Soiree?” “No, I…”
“It’s a lot of fun, but it turns into a zoo here with so many people—though, I suppose you’d think we’d be used to it by now, we get quite a run every year, but this year—whoo! I can’t remember when we’ve had so many people—except of course when we had the summer Olympics that one year, and all those athletes, they just ate so much—I guess they need their nutrition, so who can blame them— and it’s only the first day, though I guess that’s good for the community, but on the whole—my God! I’ll need a week to recover—I was just talking to the cook—Jeraldo—and he can’t remember a time when they were this busy—except, as I said, for those Olympics— which I wouldn’t know because I haven’t worked here as long as he has, and I know what you’re thinking—it’s a family business—but I only started two years ago when I turned seventeen because my parents wanted better things for me than to be a waitress at first because they felt it might become a bit of a trap for their kids, and they—like most parents, I suppose—had bigger plans for us—but in the end…”
“I was looking for the restroom!” I yelled, feeling certain it was the only way to get a word in edgewise.
“You don’t have to snap,” she said, visibly hurt and making me feel like I’d just kicked a puppy. A naked puppy.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just have to go rather badly.”
“It’s all right,” she said, not meaning it. “I understand.” Also not meaning it.
She pointed, I glanced that way and