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He thought about that a second, then nodded, seeming to understand, and tilted his head as if waiting for more of an explanation. Everyone else waited too.

“You’re the one she liked,” Petal, the waitress, said, coming up from behind.

Liked. I had hoped this, of course, but it still sent a thrill through me to hear it confirmed. And a chill to hear it in the past tense.

“My grandfather thought she was a gold-digger,” I said.

Suddenly the room erupted in sneering laughter from everyone except pants-hater, who turned bright red. I looked around at them all, confused—which seemed to be my natural state of mind since arriving in Nikkid Bottoms.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“You obviously don’t know Wisper!” Tarzan said.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“If you don’t know, then you don’t belong in that closet with her.”

After a moment, I lowered my head, ashamed and distressed. Everyone sat silent, watching me. Waiting.

“I’d like to talk to her,” I said.

“Then why can’t you talk to her out here?” Doorstop asked.

“Because he’s got a fiancée who might see them together,” Tarzan said.

The room Ooooh’d and Aaaahh’d, and I felt about four inches tall—and shrinking fast.

The room fell quiet again, and I wasn’t sure anyone was going to say anything for the longest time.

“I think it’s best you just eat your food and leave,” Tarzan said finally.

“That’s not for you to decide, River,” Petal said, finally finding a great place to put a period.

“This is none of your concern, Petal.”

“It is my concern, River. You planning on running block on any guy wants to talk to me, too, because I think I got a say in that, and I’m pretty sure Wisper feels she’s got a say, as well, and she wouldn’t like it if she knew you were out here stepping on her love-life like a bug, which is what you always do no matter who’s showing interest, and anyway, on top of that, who do you think you are, selling my car like you own it, like you’re the boss of me…?”

He held up a hand to silence her, and it worked. Apparently he was the boss of her.

“I can get her modeling job back,” I threw in.

The very wide ‘River’ hesitated. “How?”

I had no idea. “I’ve got some ideas. My name is on the company too.”

“Can you really do that, or are you just trying to get past me so you can upset her more?”

Upset her more?

I sighed. I hadn’t considered she might have been upset. Being, primarily, a wealthy layabout, I had never had to think through how potentially devastating it might be for regular people to lose their jobs. For me, there was always the assumption that I’d have money to do— well—whatever I wanted. For others, I imagined, it was a lot like Grandfather making good on his threats to throw me in the gutter. I shuddered. Ms. Nuckeby must have been deeply hurt.

Whether I could or not—whether I could be with her or not—I had to at least get her job back for her.

“Yes,” I said. “I mean, no. I’m not intending to upset her any more. I can get her a job, or at least I can offer her another option.”

“What kind of option?”

“I think I should discuss that with her.” Right after I figured it out for myself.

Petal urged him. “Let him talk to her, River. She’s a grown woman.”

But Tarzan wasn’t swinging with it. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Shouldn’t she decide that for herself?” I demanded.

“Probably. But she won’t.”

“You’re just going to let her think I never came to see her in that closet.”

“Bingo.”

“Screw you, Tarzan,” I said, my voice deepening and growing louder. This was apparently more important to me than even I realized.

He just stood there, refolded his arms, and smiled sternly. Large penises must give you confidence or something.

I moved forward and shoved him aside. Or, rather, pushed against him and wound up shoving myself aside. He was sturdier than he looked, and he looked pretty damn sturdy. I tried to get around him, but he just leaned to one side and pinned me against a wall, where I squirmed and flopped like a fish waiting to