Lion's Bride - Iris Johansen [114]
Her eyes widened. “But the banner had nothing to do with it. It was mere coincidence that he began to win battles.”
“Was it? Tell that to Kemal, tell the Grand Master of the Knights Templar.”
“I tell you, there is no magic connected with the banner. It was only chance that led me to create—” A sudden memory swept over her of those days of possession when she had worked unceasingly creating the banner. She said shakily, “I’m no witch. I can weave no spells. I only wished to create a banner that would be yours. I focused my thoughts on you, and the pattern came…. It was there.”
Ware met her gaze.
“It was not magic.” Her hands clenched into fists. “I will not accept that it was anything but chance that the pattern was similar to your lion throne.”
“I won’t argue with you. I have no way of knowing what is truth or not.” He rubbed his temple. “Perhaps it is only chance. Everything has been blurred since the night I saw the throne.”
“It’s not blurred for me. All you’ve told me is foolishness, and if the Templars believe it to be true, they’re more than fools, they’re madmen.” She scooted down under her blankets and turned her back on him. She must stop shaking. There was no reason to be upset. Nothing had changed since Ware had spoken the unspeakable. God would not strike her down for merely listening to such blasphemy. Yet she felt as if everything had changed and that the firm ground beneath her feet had been swept away.
“Don’t be afraid.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Then you’re braver than I was.” Ware’s hand fell on her shoulder. “I know how you feel. After I saw the throne, I had no time to do anything but run and hide. It was only after I was wounded and Kadar was caring for me that I began to think. I felt like a child in the dark.”
“Don’t touch me.”
“It is only in comfort,” he said haltingly. “I believe you need comfort.”
“I need nothing from you.” She should move away from his hand, but, dear God, she did need comfort. She wanted to roll over into his arms and let him hold her and shut out all the uncertainties.
He took his hand away. “Very well.”
She was suddenly cold and alone. She wanted him to touch her again.
“But listen to me. If you believe in God, you must believe that there is a pattern to His creation. Perhaps the pattern is not stitched in exactly the manner you thought it to be, but the pattern exists. We must hold to that truth.” He paused. “And I don’t believe God will punish you for looking differently at the pattern of life. God is good, it’s man who is evil.”
“Everything is exactly the same. I’m not looking at it differently.”
“You will.” She heard rustling sounds as he lay down between his blankets. “You’ll try to keep it out, but it will creep in under the barriers. Let it come. Make terms with it. God gave us minds. Surely He meant us to use them.” He was silent a moment before he said, “You’ve done nothing wrong. If any sin has been done, it’s been by me. I’m the one who will be punished.”
“Not if your enemies have their way.”
“They won’t have their way,” he said. “Go to sleep. We must be on our way tomorrow at dawn.”
Sleep? She had doubts that she would sleep this night. Her mind was a terrifying whirl of visions of lion thrones, banners, and forbidden goddesses. Even the alien idea that God could have womanly aspects was as frightening as the rest. As a slave she had always thought of God as if He were the ultimate master who could be kind or cruel, a God who gave man His favor and woman only His tolerance. She had fought to free herself from the bondage of other masters, but her mother had taught her she must accept and revere the God of the holy books without question. It did not matter that God let Church and man decree that slavery was acceptable. God was God.
She must block all these wicked thoughts out of her mind. In spite of Ware’s advice, she would not let any of his words affect her.
Her efforts were to no avail. The