Lion's Bride - Iris Johansen [128]
“I hope you can. Kadar will make sure you have funds and the opportunity to—”
“Together.” She stood up and moved toward him. “We go together or not at all.” Mother of God, his expression was tormented. Why wouldn’t the stubborn man see reason? “For I will not live without you.”
He smiled bitterly. “After you assured me you’d never forgive me, I didn’t expect this kindness. It is very noble of you to—”
“I’m not noble and I won’t forgive your betrayal.” She paused. “Be sure that I’ll make you pay for it in any number of ways in the years to come. Every time I wish something you find unreasonable, I’ll remind you of it.” She stepped forward and laid her head on his chest. She could feel the beat of his heart through the cloth of his tunic. How strange that all her fears were vanishing as she battled Ware’s. She whispered, “And the first thing I wish is that you wed me.”
His muscles went rigid. “Wed? You know I cannot wed you.”
“I’m tired of your ‘cannots.’ You cannot go to Scotland, you cannot wed me.” She rubbed against him. It was like rubbing against the unyielding trunk of a tree, she thought ruefully. “It seems you will do both. For I’ll have it no other way.”
“Why?” he said harshly. “Has your life so little value to you that you wish to join it with mine?”
“It has great value and grows richer every day. It’s truly amazing, when you’re always seeking to make it more difficult.”
“Stop touching me.” His voice was hoarse.
“It’s necessary that I touch you. Your mind is not working properly, but your body is always ready.” She brushed her lips along his collarbone. “And I wish to be with child by the time we board this ship for Scotland.”
“No!”
She leaned back and looked into his face. “I will wed you and have your child. This I swear. It will do you no good to fight me. I’ll have my way in this.”
His voice shook. “I will not be the death of you.”
“No, you will be the life of me.” She cupped his face in her hands and stared straight into his eyes. “I love you and I think you have love for me. Don’t try to tell me it’s guilt or duty; it is love.”
“If I tell you I don’t love you, will you leave me?”
“No, for you would be lying. Wouldn’t you?”
“Yes.” His voice broke as he buried his face in her hair. “God help you.”
His arms were crushing the breath out of her, but she didn’t complain. “God did help me. I prayed and He answered. He kept you alive. I’ll ask nothing else from Him.”
She could feel something warm and wet on her temple. “I will,” he said. “I’ll ask Him to do what I cannot do. I’ll ask Him to send you away from me.”
“He won’t listen. He obviously prefers me. I was the one He chose to make a banner for Him.”
He gazed wonderingly down at her. “You’re jesting. You’re not afraid any longer?”
“I cannot believe in this magic banner, but the God who answered my prayer listened to a woman. I did not believe that possible. I didn’t think He paid any attention to a woman’s needs.” Her eyes glowed luminously. “This is a thing of wonder. If Asherah is the part of Him that gave you back to me, then there’s nothing to fear.”
“Except Sinan and Kemal and Vaden and the Knights Templar.”
“We can do nothing about them now.” She smiled. “But we can do something about the babe I’m to have.”
He shook his head. “I risked your life before. I will not do it again.”
She took a step back, pulled her robe over her head, and dropped it onto the floor. “You keep repeating the mistake of thinking that you’re the one who chooses the risks I take. It’s my right alone.” She moved naked to the bed and lay down. “Just as it’s your choice to be foolish and stand there all night when we could give and take pleasure.”
“Cover yourself,” he said hoarsely.
She didn’t move. “You cover me.”
His muscles were knotted with a terrible tension. He moved slowly, heavily, toward her as if drawn by a magnet. “I cannot do it. Why do you wish this child so much?”
“Life. With such a stubborn man I must do everything