Lion's Bride - Iris Johansen [65]
“Oh, yes, I’ve wanted that since the night I brought you to Dundragon. But lust is not madness. I wish something much more dangerous.” He paused. “I want to get you with child.”
She went rigid with shock.
“That’s why I had to be drunk before I came to you.” He continued to stroke her shoulder. “I find I have scruples about asking a woman to bear a child who will never know his father. Particularly since the act of conception alone will mark you for death. Wouldn’t any man bare his secrets to the mother of his child?”
“I thought you said I was already marked for death.”
“Probably. But Vaden might—No, he couldn’t, if he knew you were bearing my child.” His voice hoarsened. “You see how low I’ve fallen? I’d risk your life for my own ends.”
“Why?”
“Because I want this.” The air crackled with the intensity of his passion. “I don’t want to die and not have something of me live on.”
Mother of God, she could not believe she was feeling this wrenching pang of sympathy. “Then have a child by Tasza or one of the others. I’m no mare to be bred at will.”
“I want your child. I want my son to have your pride and your strength. I’d trust you to care for him and teach him.” He was silent a moment and then said jerkily, “It’s not such a bad thing I offer you. The danger may be the same whether or not you take me to your bed, and I’ll do all I can to protect you. I’d take you to the safest haven I could find as soon as we knew you were with child. Kadar would stay with you and watch over you. You would never want for anything. I’m a very rich man. It would be too dangerous to wed you, but on my death I would see that you had—”
“Be silent.” Her voice was shaking as she pushed aside his hand and sat up in bed. “I’m tired of this talk of death from you. I will not have it.”
“Very well. I’ve said what I came for and it appears the answer is no. I expected it would be.” He stood up, swaying a little on his feet. “I bid you good night.”
His abrupt departure was as startling as everything else that had happened this night. “You’re leaving?”
“As you’ve guessed, I’m more than a little drunk, and I have a tendency toward self-indulgence when I’ve had too much. I can’t stay without taking you, and I can’t touch you unless you agree to the child. I couldn’t stop myself from spending within you as I do with other women. I’ve known that from the beginning.” He started heavily across the room. “But I should warn you that I’ll probably not give up. Vaden used to say that once I got something in my head, I couldn’t leave it alone.”
“It will do you no good. You’ll have to find another woman to give you the immortality you crave.”
“I told you, I don’t want another woman.” He opened the door. His voice had a thread of wonder as he added, “I haven’t wanted another woman for a long time. Isn’t it strange that no other woman will do?”
The door closed behind him.
She was trembling, Thea realized. It was anger. She was furious with that drunken oaf. Or afraid. It was natural for a woman to be frightened when she was confronted by a man who told her he wanted to use her body. Or bewildered. She had been thrown into a turmoil of shock and confusion at Ware’s words.
A child…
The thought brought a warm rush of tenderness. She had always loved children.
By all the saints, what was wrong with her? She had no need of a babe. She already had Selene, whom she had practically raised from babyhood. She had her living to make in this world, and it would only be harder if she was with child. It was out of the question, and she was right to be angry with that big idiot of a warrior who thought he could stride into her life and use her body as he saw fit.
Tears were running down her cheeks. Dear God, it was not from anger, she finally realized. Even as she had issued that rejection, she had wanted to pull him close and comfort him, to tell him that he would live forever and had no need of a child. Why did she let him move her like this?
She wiped her damp cheeks with the back of her hand and lay back down. This softness