Lion's Bride - Iris Johansen [85]
As Ware had possessed her. She was suddenly glad for the lingering hollowness. It would make the parting less painful.
She brushed the hair out of her face. She would not think of Ware now. If she did, some of this blessed numbness might disappear. She must just prepare for the journey that would take her away from him.
“Good God, what have you done to yourself?” Ware asked roughly as she came down the steps at dawn the next morning. “You’re skin and bones.”
“I’ve lost only a little weight. I’ve been working.”
“That gown is hanging on you, and your wrists…” He trailed off before adding, “I don’t want to hear of this foolishness again.”
“You will not. After all, I’ll be in Damascus and you’ll be here. It won’t be your concern.” She smiled with an effort. “Any more than it is now.”
“It’s my concern if I say it is. I wouldn’t have wanted a banner if I’d known it would have brought you to this.”
“I wanted it for you. I owed it to you.” She found she could not take her gaze from him. He was fully armored, big and boldly masculine, his bright-blue eyes glittering in the glow of the candles. This was the warrior she had seen that first night when she had thought him a brute and a beast. It would have been better if she had not grown to see beyond that facade. It would have made this parting easier.
“Selene said you were sleeping a great deal.” He stood looking at her. “Are you…well? I did not—”
“I’ve had my flux,” she interrupted, wanting to get it over. “I am not with child.”
“That’s good.” His face was blank, but she knew him too well now not to sense the pain. “You’ll be much safer.”
And he was robbed of his chance that part of him would live through his child. The numbness was melting as she looked at him. She wanted to reach out and hold him, comfort him. Dear God, was she always going to feel this aching tenderness for him? She wished desperately that there had been only passion between them. Passion was of the moment, easily dismissed, but tenderness…
“What are you thinking?” he asked suddenly.
She swallowed to ease the tightness of her throat. “I was thinking I wish everything to go well for you. You have been very kind to me.”
“Have I?” He smiled grimly. “By God, you’re easy to please. I took your body, endangered your life, and now I’m going to—” He broke off and turned on his heel. “Come along. Your sister is waiting in the courtyard with Kadar. If it can be called waiting. She was running around, giving orders and arranging everything to suit herself. You’d think she was a woman grown.”
Thea followed, grateful that the painful moment was at an end. “She’s never been allowed to be anything else.” She walked past him down the steps leading to the courtyard. The courtyard was ablaze with the torches carried by the soldiers. Horses milled about uneasily, and Thea glimpsed a wagon half-hidden behind the columns.
Jasmine was standing on the steps and turned as she saw Thea. “I came to bid you farewell. Good journey.”
“Thank you.” She was tempted to embrace Jasmine, but she was afraid of offending the woman’s dignity. “You’ll remember to practice everything I taught you?”
“I told you I would.” She paused. “You will not forget us?”
Thea shook her head. “I’ll send for you as soon as I can.” She hesitated. “I’ve had little chance to speak to you of late. Lord Ware has—I thought you might resent—”
Jasmine’s gesture cut her short. “Don’t be foolish. Why should I care if you bed Lord Ware when you offer Tasza a better way to live? You are a woman in this man’s world. If you think coupling with him will give you more power, I cannot fault you.”
She should have known Jasmine would regard all coupling as a way to gain a goal, Thea thought sadly. Her experience in life would not permit any other conclusion. Well, perhaps she was right. Ware and she both had something to gain. He had come to her because he wished a child. She had gone to his bed because she wanted to make sure he remained in the castle. Surely that was as coolly calculated