Listen to Your Heart - Fern Michaels [69]
Marie leaned across the table. ‘’I think we both have things we want to say. Perhaps this is the time, and perhaps it isn’t. This estrangement all these years is my fault. Totally mine. I take full blame, full responsibility. An apology isn’t good enough. Every day of my life I regretted my neglect of you. I couldn’t help myself; therefore, I couldn’t help you. It is that simple. When I finally got my wits together and joined the world, it was too late. You didn’t want any part of me. It was hard for me to accept, but I did understand. For a while I tried to make your life miserable in retribution. It was the only way I could have contact with you. I don’t care about the cornmeal plant. I never did, not really. It was something to keep me busy and something to fuss at you about. I just went through the motions. I was always a businesswoman, and I know about profit and loss. I was punishing you and myself for something I had no control over, or at least that’s how I explained it to myself.
“I pray you and Josie never go through what I went through. There are no words to describe what it’s like to lose a child. And then to lose a second child. It was so unthinkable, so tragic, I literally lost my mind. And I lost you in the bargain.
“What you did today was give me back my life. I can never thank you enough. Seeing Nancy and Pete took me back to those long-ago years. She looks exactly like June. She’s warm and loving, and the little one is just like you were. God has blessed us both, Paul. They will be staying here with us. Pete is in your old room. Nancy is in her mother’s room. Tomorrow we will all wake up and have breakfast together. Before you can ask, the dog is sleeping on Pete’s bed. Such love, such devotion. One last thing. I never stopped loving you, son. That love was in my heart. I just ignored it, believing someday when I was ready, I could open it up like a book and go on and you would come running to me with open arms. That goes to show what a stupid old lady I was. Now that I’m even older, I’m more stupid because I am still hoping you can forgive me and love me as I love you.”
Paul’s throat closed tight. He fought for words, just the right words. Listen, Josie had said.
“It’s all in the past. I forgave you a long time ago, mère. We can go forward now. Nancy and Pete will be part of our lives. One day, soon, I hope, Josie and I will have children. You aren’t angry then that André is taking over the business?”
“Not in the least. He’s the ideal man for the job. I’m happy you decided to follow your heart and do what you’ve always wanted to do. You have my blessing. Also, there is no need for you to purchase the plant. That is what you planned on doing, isn’t it? That is so like you, Paul. Trust me, it isn’t necessary. I provided well for all the employees years ago when I sensed this was coming. They will rest in the sun now, as I plan on doing. I want to show you something.”
Paul watched as his mother reached under the starched collar of her high-necked dress to remove a heavy gold locket. She snapped it open. “See, this is your picture, and this is a lock of your hair. I have worn this from the day you were born. Now,” she said, reaching into her pocket to withdraw a tissue. She spread it open on the table. “It is the little one’s hair. I took a snippet when he fell asleep. I defy you to tell the difference. He is you all over again. Maybe, with your help, God’s help, I can do it right this time.”
Paul blinked. He really needed to get his eyes