Lord of Scoundrels - Loretta Chase [91]
Where in the name of heaven had he obtained the idea she was fragile or missish? This was the woman who'd shot him!
It was the strain, Dain decided. The trauma of finding himself married, combined with crazed lust for his bride, had been more than his mind could cope with. The portrait of his mother had finished him off. With that, his brain had shut down altogether.
By the time Jessica returned, Dain had himself and everything else in proper order. Andrews had carried away the heaps of discarded traveling clothes, the valise was put away, the lamps had been lit, a footman was on his way to Chudleigh, and dinner was being prepared.
"It seems you've been busy," she said, glancing about as she came up to him. "How tidy the room is."
"You were gone rather a while," he said.
"I had a bath," she said. "I was agitated, as you saw." She studied the knot of his sash, her brow furrowed. "I think I was hysterical. I wish I hadn't cried, but I couldn't help it. It was a…deeply moving experience. I daresay you're used to it, but I am not. I was much affected. I had not expected…Well, frankly, I was expecting the worst. When it came to the point, I mean. But you did not seem to experience any difficulty, and you did not seem inhibited by my inexperience or annoyed, and, except for a moment, it did not feel like the first time at all. At least, not what I'd imagined the first time to be like. And what with having my anxieties relieved and the extraordinary sensations…The long and the short of it is, I could not contain my feelings."
He had read the signs more or less correctly, then, for once, finally. The world was in order. All he needed to do was step carefully, to keep it that way.
"My temper has not been altogether even, either," he said. "I'm not used to having a female about. It's…distracting."
"I know, and I've taken that into account," she said. "Nonetheless, Dain, you cannot expect me to go through this again."
He stared at the top of her head and watched his neatly ordered world tumble back into chaos. In an instant, his previously light heart became a lead casket, bearing the corpse of a fragile infant hope. He should have known better than to hope. He should have realized he'd make everything go wrong. But he didn't understand now, any more than he ever had, how he had turned everything so very wrong. He didn't understand why she'd been sent into his life, to give him hope, and kill it in the first moment he dared to believe it.
His face set and his body turned to stone, but he couldn't muster the callous laughter or the clever witticism needed to complete this too familiar scene. He had tasted happiness in her arms, and hope, and he could not let them go without knowing why.
"Jessica, I know I've been…difficult," he said. "All the same— "
"Difficult?" She looked up, her grey eyes wide. "You have been impossible. I begin to think you are not right in the upper storey. I knew you wanted me. The one thing I've never doubted was that. But getting you into bed— you, the greatest whoremonger in Christendom— gad, it was worse than the time I had to drag Bertie to the tooth-drawer. And if you think I mean to be doing that the rest of our days, you had better think again. The next time, my lord, you will do the seducing— or there won't be any, I vow."
She stepped back and folded her arms over her bosom. "I mean it, Dain. I am sick to death of throwing myself at you. You like me well enough. And if the first bedding didn't prove we suit in that way at least, then you are a hopeless case, and I wash my hands of you. I will not permit you to make a wreck of me."
Dain opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He shut it and walked to the window. He sank onto the cushioned seat and stared out. "Worse than…Bertie…to the tooth-drawer." He gave a shaky laugh. "The tooth-drawer. Oh, Jess."
He heard her slippered footsteps