Lost Era 05_ Deny thy Father - Jeff Mariotte [106]
He was in his room, as usual, the night Dennis Haynes knocked on his door in something like a panic. The rapid-fire pounding startled Will, who was deeply immersed in a text on the geological specifications of Class-G planets of the Ophiucus sector. He pushed himself away from the desk, still caught somewhere between two worlds, his eyes not wanting to leave the computer screen because he didn’t want to have to find his place again in the discussion of the effect of cooling magmas on crystallization processes. Finally he forced himself to abandon the screen because he knew the door was locked. Specifically so I wouldn’t be bothered, he thought, so how well did that work?
When he opened the door Dennis stood there, his face flushed as if he’d been running, his brow wrinkled, mouth turned down in a frown. “I can’t do this, Will,” Dennis said without preface. “I just can’t do it.”
Will, tempted to simply close the door and go back to his work, instead waved Dennis in. “Can’t do what?” he asked reflexively, thinking, Don’t ask, because he’ll only want to tell you and then you’re stuck.
“This. The work. The Academy. Any of it.” Dennis’s words gushed out of him like water from a broken pipe.
“Calm down, Dennis. Have a seat.” Will closed the door and ushered Dennis to the couch. He put his hands on Dennis’s shoulders and pushed his friend down, then pulled up the chair he’d been using at the computer, turned it around, and straddled the back of it, facing Dennis. “What’s the problem?”
“I am so far behind,” Dennis said. “I’m so stuck, and I just can’t seem to understand anything anymore. I can’t catch up with anything. I can’t grasp whatever it is we’re supposed to be learning, and the more I try the more I worry that I’m not getting it. And if I don’t get it, then I don’t belong here.”
“Can’t argue with that,” Will said with a smile, hoping to cajole Dennis back into making some kind of sense. “But it’s probably not as bad as you think. You’re just getting nervous.”
Dennis shook his head vigorously. “I’m beyond nervous, Will. Nervous was months ago. I’m way past that. I’m into terrified now. Petrified.”
“You need to relax, that’s all,” Will said. “When was the last time you went out and had some fun?”
“There’s no time for fun, Will,” Dennis insisted, shaking his head again. “I need to work every waking hour or I’m just not going to make it. And I can’t do that, because there are classes, and then if I forget to eat, then I get weak, and…”
Will found himself saddened and appalled at the same time. “Dennis, you’ve got to eat. You’ve got to take care of yourself. You can’t possibly keep up with the work if you’re not in your best physical condition. You can’t skip meals.”
“I have to, Will,” Dennis said. “It’s easy for you-“
“No it’s not.”
“Easier, then. For you and the others. For Estresor Fil, the course work is a breeze. Even Felicia. But for me, I don’t know, it just doesn’t sink in. This stuff doesn’t come naturally. My dad’s a farmer, you know? Maybe I’ve got dirt in my veins.”
“You have blood, same as everyone else,” Will replied. Then, remembering some of the more alien types around, he amended himself. “Well, nearly everyone.”
“It doesn’t seem like I have much in common with anyone,” Dennis continued. Will didn’t think he was even listening anymore, just venting. “It’s so much harder for me than for anyone else. There’s so much of it that I just don’t get. I wish I did-I want to serve. I want to be out there, you know, exploring new worlds. I have so much curiosity about the galaxy-“
“Then you have what you need,” Will interrupted, his own work forgotten for now.