Lost in the Funhouse_ The Life and Mind of Andy Kaufman - Bill Zehme [162]
Lawler would remember: “So he asked me what I thought about the idea—the apology and the song. I said, ‘Well, you know, it’s okay with me.’ I figured I’m in his arena now, so I’m not making any suggestions, right? So he said to me—and I’ll never forget the way he put it—he said, ‘I wonder what would happen if you hit me instead? If you just slugged me?’ I said, ‘You mean on the show?’ He said, ‘Yeah.’ I said, ‘Well, since we’re taping it, they probably wouldn’t even broadcast it. And, second of all, they’d probably have me arrested.’ He said, ‘No, I would have to be the one to have you arrested.’ I said, ‘I don’t know, Andy, that’s pretty strong.’ He said, ‘I know—but wouldn’t it be great?’ But I could tell that’s what he wanted to happen. He didn’t want to come right out and tell me to hit him. Because he never wanted to tell me what to do. He was always kind of shy around me.”
They arrived at NBC Studios separately and stayed apart in the makeup room and also in the greenroom and did not actually see each other until Letterman introduced them. Andy timidly skulked out behind Lawler and they sat at the panel and Andy pulled his chair away from Lawler’s chair. And Letterman asked right away whether he still needed his neck brace and Andy said yes he did and Lawler smirked. But Andy tried to be friendly about the whole mess and they looked at the footage—“I was just teasing in fun,” he said about his hectoring Hollywood tapes—and Lawler grumbled and stated, “I don’t want to sit out here and pretend that I’m friends with this guy, because I think he’s a wimp.” And it was very uncomfortable and the first commercial break came and Andy left his chair to gain more distance and Letterman asked Lawler questions about wrestlers Dick the Bruiser and Bobo Brazil. Then the show resumed and Andy admitted that he had been wrong to wrestle Lawler and said that he now felt Lawler owed him an apology. “I don’t think I owe him an apology,” Lawler responded, adding that he didn’t know whether Andy was wearing a neck brace or a flea collar.
Lawler would recall: “If you watch the tape, you can see Dave’s face is like, Uh-oh, where are we going here? Because Dave was expecting the apology from me. So he gets a little worried and I could tell that he was gonna force the next commercial break early, right? And then Andy starts turning toward me and tries to goad me—‘Whattsamatter, Lawler!’ And he starts talking about lawsuit again or something. So Dave said, ‘We’re gonna pause here for a commercial and get out the hoses….’ And right up to that point I didn’t know what I should do, but when I heard the music start playing, I knew. I thought, if not now, then never. And Andy gave me this mean look, like he was waiting for something. So I just stood up and slapped the crap out of him, openhanded right across the face, as hard as I could….”
Andy spilled out of his chair to the floor and pandemonium ensued and nobody knew what to believe and Robert Morton rushed forth and Letterman stepped away and the show went to a break—“It was like the President had been assassinated or something,” said Lawler. The break would last almost twenty minutes, in which time the studio lights were dimmed and a security guard came for Lawler and escorted him to the greenroom, which had been emptied of its many previous occupants. Lawler said, “I could hear through the door out in the hallway people crying and screaming. And I’m thinking, I just really screwed up here. And then I hear Andy screaming and cussing—‘I want him arrested! Call the cops!’ Je-sus. And I had already told this goof that if I hit him I’d get arrested! So I’m thinking I’m getting double-crossed here.”
And Robert Morton