Lover Unleashed - J. R. Ward [40]
“Payne. I am Payne.”
When he frowned again, she was fairly sure that the nomenclature did not please him, and she found herself wishing she had been birthed to other syllables. But there was another reason for his displeasure, wasn’t there. He had seen her from the inside and had to know she was different from him.
He had to know she was an “other.”
“What you suppose to be true,” she murmured, “is not wrong.” Her healer drew in a vast breath and seemed to hold it for a day. “What goeth on in your mind? Speak to me.”
He smiled a bit, and ah, how lovely that was. So lovely. ’Twas a shame it was not from humor, however.
“Right now . . .” He drew a hand through his thick, dark hair. “I’m wondering whether I should just let it all go and play dumb like I don’t know what’s going. Or get real.”
“Real,” she said. “I do not have the luxury of even a moment of falsity.”
“Fair enough.” His eyes locked on her. “I think that you—”
The door to the room opened a bit and a fully draped figure peered inside. Going by the delicate, pleasing scent, it was Jane, hidden beneath blue robing and a mask.
“It’s almost time,” she said.
Payne’s healer’s face became positively volcanic. “I do not agree with this.”
Jane came inside and shut them all in. “Payne, you’re awake.”
“Indeed.” She tried to smile and hoped that her lips moved. “I am.”
Her healer put his body betwixt them, as if he sought to protect her. “You can’t move her. It’s about a week too soon for that.”
Payne glanced over at the curtains that hung from the ceiling to the floor. She was nearly certain there were glass windows on the other side of the pale bolts of fabric, and very sure that if that were the case, every one of the sun’s rays would pierce through when dawn came.
Now her heart pounded and she did feel it behind her ribs. “I must go. How long?”
Jane checked a timepiece on her wrist. “About an hour. And Wrath is on his way here. Which will help.”
Perhaps that was why she felt so weak. She needed to feed.
As her healer seemed on the verge of speech, she cut him off to address her twin’s shellan. “I shall handle this here. Please leave us.”
Jane nodded and backed out the door. But no doubt stayed close by.
Payne’s human rubbed his eyes as if he were hoping that doing so would change his perception . . . or perhaps this reality they were stuck in.
“What name would you want me to have?” she asked quietly.
He dropped his hands and considered her for a moment. “Screw the name thing. Can you just be honest with me?”
Verily, she doubted that was a promise she could give him. Although the technique of burying memories was easy enough, she was not overly familiar with the repercussions of doing it, and her concern was that the more he knew, the more there was to hide and the more damage that could be rendered upon him.
“What do you wish to know.”
“What are you.”
Her eyes returned to the closed curtains. As sheltered as she had been, she was aware of the myths that the human race had constructed around her species. Undead. Killers of the innocent. Soulless and without morals.
Hardly something to crow about. Or waste their last few precious moments on.
“I cannot be exposed to sunlight.” Her gaze shifted back to him. “I heal far, far faster than you. And I need to feed before I am moved—after I do, I shall be stable enough to travel.”
As he looked down at his hands, she wondered if he was wishing that he hadn’t operated on her.
And the silence that stretched out between them became as treacherous as a battlefield, and just as dangerous to cross. Yet she heard herself say, “There is a name for what I am.”
“Yeah. And I don’t want to say it out loud.”
A curious ache began in her chest, and with supreme effort, she dragged her forearm upward until her palm rested over the pain. Odd that her whole body was numb, but this she could feel. . . .
Abruptly, the sight of him became wavy.
Immediately, his expression gentled and he reached forward to brush her cheek. “Why are you crying?”
“Am I?”
He nodded and lifted his forefinger so she