Lover Unleashed - J. R. Ward [71]
“So what do you say?” he murmured.
“What are you waiting for?”
The laugh he let out was low and satisfied, and his forearm tightened and released as he started to stroke himself. “Pull the sheet back, Jane.”
The command was husky, but clear, and it got to her. As it always did.
“Do it, Jane. Watch me.”
She put her hand on his pec and drifted it downward, feeling the ribs of his chest and the hard ridges of his abdominals, hearing the hiss as he drew a sharp breath in through his teeth. Lifting the sheet, she had to swallow hard as the head of him breached the top of his fist, breaking free and offering itself with a single, crystal tear.
When she reached out for him, he snapped a hold on her wrist and held her back.
“Look at me, Jane . . .” came the groan. “But don’t touch.”
Son of a bitch. She hated when he did this. Loved it, too.
Vishous didn’t let go of his hold on her as he worked his erection with his gloved hand, his body so beautiful as it found a rhythm with the pump of his palm. Candlelight turned the whole episode into something mysterious, but then . . . it was always like that with V. With him, she never knew what to expect, and not just because he was the son of a deity. He was sex on the edge all the time, hard-cornered and crafty, twisted and demanding.
And she knew that she merely got the watered-down version of him.
There were deeper caves in his underground maze, ones that she had never visited and could never go to.
“Jane,” he said roughly. “Whatever you’re thinking about, drop it. . . . Stay with me here and now and don’t go there.”
She closed her eyes. She’d known what she was mating and what she loved. Back when she’d committed to him for eternity, she’d been well aware of the men and the women and the way he’d had them. She’d just never have guessed that that past would come between them—
“I wasn’t with anyone else.” His voice was strong and sure. “That night. I swear to it.”
Her lids lifted. He’d stopped working himself out and was lying still.
Abruptly, the sight of him was obscured by tears. “I’m so sorry,” she croaked. “I just needed to hear that. I trust you, I honestly do, but I—”
“Shh . . . it’s okay.” His gloved hand reached out and brushed the tear from her cheek. “It’s all right. Why wouldn’t you question what’s doing with me?”
“It’s wrong.”
“No, I’m wrong.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve spent the last week trying to force things to come out of my mouth. I’ve hated this shit, but I didn’t know what the hell to say that wouldn’t make it worse.”
On some level, she was surprised at the compassion and the understanding. The two of them were so very independent and that was why their relationship worked: He was reserved and she didn’t need much emotional support, and usually that math added up beautifully.
Not this week, however.
“I’m sorry, too,” he murmured. “And I wish I were a different kind of male.”
Somehow, she knew he was talking about so much more than his reserved nature. “There’s nothing you can’t talk to me about, V.” When all she got back was a “Hmm,” she said, “There’s a lot of stress right now for you. I know that. And I would do anything to help you.”
“I love you.”
“Then you’ve got to talk to me. The one thing guaranteed not to work is silence.”
“I know. But it’s like looking into a dark room. I want to tell you shit, but I can’t . . . I can’t see anything I feel.”
She believed that—and recognized it as something that victims of child abuse tended to struggle with in adulthood. The early survival mechanism that got them through everything was compartmentalization: When things got too much to handle, they fractured their inner selves and stashed their emotions far, far away.
The danger, of course, was the pressure that invariably built up.
At least the ice between them was broken, though. And they were in this quiet, semi-peaceful space now.
Of their own volition, her eyes drifted down to his arousal, which lay flat up his stomach, stretching even beyond his navel. Suddenly, she wanted him so badly she couldn’t speak.
“Take me, Jane,” he growled.