Lucile [27]
Cannot take thee away from me now. I have furl'd The wings of my spirit above thy bright head; At thy feet are my soul's immortalities spread. Thou mightest have been to me much. Thou art more. And in silence I worship, in darkness adore. If life be not that which without us we find-- Chance, accident, merely--but rather the mind, And the soul which, within us, surviveth these things, If our real existence have truly its springs Less in that which we do than in that which we feel, Not in vain do I worship, not hopeless I kneel! For then, though I name thee not mistress or wife, Thou art mine--and mine only,--O life of my life! And though many's the slip 'twixt the cup and the lip, Yet while o'er the brim of life's beaker I dip, While there's life on the lip, while there's warmth in the wine, One deep health I'll pledge, and that health shall be thine!
II.
This world, on whose peaceable breast we repose Unconvulsed by alarm, once confused in the throes Of a tumult divine, sea and land, moist and dry, And in fiery fusion commix'd earth and sky. Time cool'd it, and calm'd it, and taught it to go The round of its orbit in peace, long ago. The wind changeth and whirleth continually: All the rivers run down and run into the sea: The wind whirleth about, and is presently still'd: All the rivers run down, yet the sea is not fill'd: The sun goeth forth from his chambers; the sun Ariseth, and lo! he descendeth anon. All returns to its place. Use and Habit are powers Far stronger than Passion, in this world of ours. The great laws of life readjust their infraction, And to every emotion appoint a reaction.
III.
Alfred Vargrave had time, after leaving Lucile, To review the rash step he had taken, and feel What the world would have call'd "his erroneous position." Thought obtruded its claim, and enforced recognition: Like a creditor who, when the gloss is worn out On the coat which we once wore with pleasure, no doubt, Sends us in his account for the garment we bought. Ev'ry spendthrift to passion is debtor to thought.
IV.
He felt ill at ease with himself. He could feel Little doubt what the answer would be from Lucile. Her eyes, when they parted--her voice, when they met, Still enraptured his heart, which they haunted. And yet, Though, exulting, he deem'd himself loved, where he loved, Through his mind a vague self-accusation there moved. O'er his fancy, when fancy was fairest, would rise The infantine face of Matilda, with eyes So sad, so reproachful, so cruelly kind, That his heart fail'd within him. In vain did he find A thousand just reasons for what he had done; The vision that troubled him would not be gone. In vain did he say to himself, and with truth, "Matilda has beauty, and fortune, and youth; And her heart is too young to have deeply involved All its hopes in the tie which must now be dissolved. 'Twere a false sense of honor in me to suppress The sad truth which I owe it to her to confess. And what reason have I to presume this poor life Of my own, with its languid and frivolous strife, And without what alone might endear it to her, Were a boon all so precious, indeed, to confer, Its withdrawal can wrong her? It is not as though I were bound to some poor village maiden, I know, Unto whose simple heart mine were all upon earth, Or to whose simple fortunes mine own could give worth. Matilda, in all the world's gifts, will not miss Aught that I could procure her. 'Tis best as it is!"
V.
In vain did he say to himself, "When I came To this fatal spot, I had nothing to blame Or reproach myself for, in the thoughts of my heart. I could not foresee that its pulses would start Into such strange emotion on seeing once more A woman I left with indifference before. I believed, and with honest conviction believed, In my love for Matilda. I never conceived That another could shake it. I deem'd I had done With the wild heart of youth, and looked hopefully on To the soberer manhood, the worthier life, Which I sought in the love that I vow'd to my wife. Poor child!
II.
This world, on whose peaceable breast we repose Unconvulsed by alarm, once confused in the throes Of a tumult divine, sea and land, moist and dry, And in fiery fusion commix'd earth and sky. Time cool'd it, and calm'd it, and taught it to go The round of its orbit in peace, long ago. The wind changeth and whirleth continually: All the rivers run down and run into the sea: The wind whirleth about, and is presently still'd: All the rivers run down, yet the sea is not fill'd: The sun goeth forth from his chambers; the sun Ariseth, and lo! he descendeth anon. All returns to its place. Use and Habit are powers Far stronger than Passion, in this world of ours. The great laws of life readjust their infraction, And to every emotion appoint a reaction.
III.
Alfred Vargrave had time, after leaving Lucile, To review the rash step he had taken, and feel What the world would have call'd "his erroneous position." Thought obtruded its claim, and enforced recognition: Like a creditor who, when the gloss is worn out On the coat which we once wore with pleasure, no doubt, Sends us in his account for the garment we bought. Ev'ry spendthrift to passion is debtor to thought.
IV.
He felt ill at ease with himself. He could feel Little doubt what the answer would be from Lucile. Her eyes, when they parted--her voice, when they met, Still enraptured his heart, which they haunted. And yet, Though, exulting, he deem'd himself loved, where he loved, Through his mind a vague self-accusation there moved. O'er his fancy, when fancy was fairest, would rise The infantine face of Matilda, with eyes So sad, so reproachful, so cruelly kind, That his heart fail'd within him. In vain did he find A thousand just reasons for what he had done; The vision that troubled him would not be gone. In vain did he say to himself, and with truth, "Matilda has beauty, and fortune, and youth; And her heart is too young to have deeply involved All its hopes in the tie which must now be dissolved. 'Twere a false sense of honor in me to suppress The sad truth which I owe it to her to confess. And what reason have I to presume this poor life Of my own, with its languid and frivolous strife, And without what alone might endear it to her, Were a boon all so precious, indeed, to confer, Its withdrawal can wrong her? It is not as though I were bound to some poor village maiden, I know, Unto whose simple heart mine were all upon earth, Or to whose simple fortunes mine own could give worth. Matilda, in all the world's gifts, will not miss Aught that I could procure her. 'Tis best as it is!"
V.
In vain did he say to himself, "When I came To this fatal spot, I had nothing to blame Or reproach myself for, in the thoughts of my heart. I could not foresee that its pulses would start Into such strange emotion on seeing once more A woman I left with indifference before. I believed, and with honest conviction believed, In my love for Matilda. I never conceived That another could shake it. I deem'd I had done With the wild heart of youth, and looked hopefully on To the soberer manhood, the worthier life, Which I sought in the love that I vow'd to my wife. Poor child!