Magnificent Desolation_ The Long Journey Home From the Moon - Buzz Aldrin [69]
Disingenuous reporters described me as suffering from mental illness. Today that would not even raise an eyebrow, but in 1973–74, those words held the power to ground any career, no matter how highflying it had been.
In retrospect, being so forthcoming in Return to Earth may have worked against me. Shortly after the book appeared in print, Mutual of Omaha’s chairman of the board, V. J. Skutt, asked me to resign, saying I was no longer a good figurehead for the company. Although I intended for my story to encourage people dealing with similar conditions to seek help, it also branded me as a philanderer and as a person who was mentally ill, in a constant battle with depression. Neither label was accurate, but I felt that despite the misconceptions, it was worth putting everything out on the table so people could deal with it and so I could move on with my life. Most of the public response to the book was wonderfully positive, although some people had difficulty accepting that an American astronaut and hero could be vulnerable to depression.
Although my honest and straightforward disclosure in the book proved damaging to me in some ways, it provided hope and inspiration to many other people—especially men, who, in the mid-seventies, were not accustomed to admitting that they struggled with depression. Everywhere I went, men thanked me for bringing the issue to the forefront. “I’ve never been able to admit that I needed it before,” some guys told me, “but thanks to your example, I’m seeking help.”
To me, that made the revelations in the book worthwhile, even though my father was appalled.
Nevertheless, after the original op-ed came out in the Los Angeles Times in 1972 about my hospitalization for depression, I was asked to serve on the board of directors of the National Association for Mental Health (NAMH). I was delighted to participate if my celebrity could help shed light on the subject. NASA probably did not see it that way, but I didn’t mind.
Then, after Return to Earth came out and made such a splash, I was invited to serve as the 1974 national chairman for a one-year term, thanks to a suggestion by Bill Perry, NAMH’s communication director. Bill had read my book, and wanted to know if I was serious when I closed the story by saying that I wanted to stand up and be counted as a person who has had to deal with depression and mental health issues. Bill worked with me to set up a series of appearances as the NAMH chairman to speak to mental health groups across the country, and the first one was to take place in Detroit. We became good friends, and we traveled together frequently for NAMH. My role was to attract a crowd to mental health events, and part of Bill’s job was to promote the events and arrange media interviews for me while we were in town.
Bill was impressed by my high energy, but he had no idea how serious my own depression and drinking were until he spent seven days at our home in Hidden Hills. He had come out to accompany me in making some planned public appearances on behalf of NAMH, but while Bill was visiting, I fell into a funk in which I didn’t get out of bed for four straight days.
When I did get up that week, I drank a fifth of Scotch or Jack Daniel’s each day, and during that time somehow we misplaced four cars. I’d park a car, then we’d go off and do something, and I couldn’t remember where I had parked. We temporarily lost my little red Saab sports car, a Ford Ranchero that my daughter Jan used to pick up hay for her horse, and even a pop-top Volkswagen camper! Eventually we found the vehicles, but it did cause Bill real concern. He recognized that I drank far more than most people, but could still function, seemingly with my faculties relatively unimpaired.
Bill was with me in Minneapolis when we got together with Princess Margaret of Great Britain. After an evening function, we were in a bar around midnight having a drink with Dave Zigenhaugen, the executive director of the Mental Health Association in Minneapolis. “It’s nice to have two celebrities