Magnificent Folly - Iris Johansen [23]
“Are you trying to use some kind of amateur psychology to cleanse me of my sordid past?” she asked with biting sarcasm. “I’ve been through that charade, thank you. In case the newspaper missed it, perhaps I should tell you I spent six months under the care of a psychiatrist after Tait’s trial.”
“I know. You were close to a total breakdown. Who could blame you?”
“I blamed me. I blamed myself for everything. If I hadn’t been so stupid, my mother would be alive today.”
“She trusted Baldor, too, Lily.”
“Because I loved him. She always wanted me to have a love like the one she had with my father. When she saw how crazy I was about Tait, she wanted to believe in him.” She paused, struggling with the anger that was choking her. “And the son of a bitch murdered her.”
Andrew was silent.
“And do you know what? When the medical examiner stumbled on the proof during the autopsy, I wouldn’t believe Tait had done it. I was so besotted with him that I let the bastard steal half a million dollars from my mother, then poison her so that he could steal whatever was left from me.” She laughed harshly. “And I wouldn’t believe he’d done it. I told the police it must have been someone else. They had to ram the evidence down my throat before I’d testify at Tait’s trial. I was that much of a fool.”
“Not a fool,” Andrew said gently. “You were nineteen years old, shy and reclusive. You and your mother lived alone, and both of you tried to believe the best of everyone. You were a perfect target for a con artist like Baldor. He walked in and charmed you both until you were dizzy. You weren’t stupid, only naïve.” He paused. “And trusting.”
“So trusting, I put my mother into her grave. So trusting, I talked her into trusting him too.” She smiled bitterly. “Oh, yes, I was a great one for trusting.”
“Trusting is good, Lily,” Andrew said. “You made a mistake in judgment, but—”
“A mistake? Tell that to my mother. Tell her trusting is good.” Her voice was vibrating with intensity. “Because I’m done with it. These days I believe what I see and what can be proved to me, not what I’m told. I’ll never be used or manipulated again.”
“Hence the baby by artificial insemination,” Andrew said softly. “You couldn’t bear to have another relationship, so you chose to go to Henry.”
She nodded jerkily. “Don’t you understand? I had to have someone. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was so alone. I loved children, and I thought—” She broke off, and then continued fiercely. “I’m a good mother. I went to three doctors, and they all said I should give myself a few years before I made a decision, but I couldn’t wait.”
“No, I know you couldn’t.”
“I needed someone. If I’d been alone any longer I don’t know if I could have survived.” She stopped, and then said shakily, “Henry understood.”
“Henry’s a very understanding man.”
“You’re talking to me as soothingly as those doctors who turned me down. It was the right decision, dammit.”
“I’m not arguing. It was the only decision at the time that would have assured your survival. You’ve made a good life for yourself and Cassie, and there’s no question of your devotion to her.” He reached out and covered her hand with his own. “You even ran the risk of the press’s digging up that old scandal, when you allowed Cassie to go on tour.”
“She deserved the chance to see if she wanted the life of the performer.” She withdrew her hand from his. “Well, are you satisfied now? Do you enjoy playing father confessor?”
“Lord, no.” An age-old weariness weighed in his voice. “It hurts me. It always hurts me.”
“Always? You speak as if you’re a priest, or something.” She rose abruptly to her feet. “Well, now that you’re finished with your interrogation, I believe I’ll bid you good-bye.”
“Lily, it was necessary. We had to get everything out in the open. I could have done it another way, but I wouldn’t do that