Magnificent Folly - Iris Johansen [35]
“I’ll get dressed in a minute. Come in and close the door.”
She opened her lips to protest and then closed them without speaking. There was something terribly lonely about that lean silhouette framed against the window. She took a step forward and closed the door. “Did you sleep? Quenby seems worried about your getting rest. I guess that’s the nanny syndrome.”
“I slept. I can usually force myself to sleep when it’s necessary.”
“Good. For someone so easygoing Quenby was positively fretting. She and Gunner really care about you.”
“Does it surprise you that I can occasionally inspire affection in others?”
“Of course not. I knew you could be very charming when you—”
“I’ve been standing here thinking about you.”
“You should be thinking about Cassie.”
“You’re part of her and she’s part of you. One leads to the other.” He paused. “I’ve been thinking about you and your mother.”
She stiffened. “I don’t want to talk about my mother.”
“I know. It still hurts you. It’s natural that it should, but not that the wound should still be so raw. I’ve been trying to puzzle it out. Tell me, do you think your mother would blame you for making the mistake of trusting Baldor?”
“Who wouldn’t blame me?”
“Lily, did she love you?”
“Yes …” Lily’s voice thickened. “Yes, she loved me.”
“Then don’t you think she would have forgiven you for being fooled by Baldor?”
“Yes, but I—”
“Then why can’t you forgive yourself?”
“This isn’t about forgiveness.”
“I think it is. I think that’s why the wound hasn’t healed all these years. You were bitterly sorry, but it was too late for you to tell her, to ask to be forgiven. You needed to ask someone for forgiveness, and there was no one there.”
He was right, she realized with astonishment. Until he had put it into words, she hadn’t known how desperate had been that need.
“Are you sorry, Lily?” he asked gently.
“Of course I’m sorry.”
“There, you’ve said it now. Your mother would have forgiven you for your mistake, so let it go, Lily. Forgive yourself and be as happy as she would have wanted you to be.”
Something incredible was happening inside her; something cold and tight was loosening, warming. “She was … my best friend.”
“Then don’t condemn the memories of your best friend to live side by side with bitterness. She deserves better than that.”
Lily closed her eyes. “I’ll think about what you’ve said.”
“There’s one more thing I wanted to say to you.”
“I said I’d think—”
“I love you.”
The words came out of the darkness with stunning force.
Her eyes flew open. “You never cease to surprise me.”
“I wanted you to know. I’ve been afraid to use the word love before, but now it doesn’t matter if it scares you off. The situation couldn’t be any worse than it is.” His hand clenched on the drapes. “Things are going to happen tonight that you won’t understand, things that you may hate.” He paused. “Lord, I hope you won’t hate me too.”
“I don’t hate you.” Her emotions were in such turmoil, she wasn’t sure what she was feeling for him at that moment. “I don’t think I could hate you. Though heaven knows I wanted to cut your throat when I found out you knew something about Cassie’s kidnapping.”
“But you won’t let yourself love me, either.” His tone was strained. “You may never love me. I’ve known that all along, but I had to try. Since the moment I saw you I knew there would never be anyone else for me.”
“That was only a few weeks ago. Hardly enough time for a permanent—”
“A few weeks?” He shook his head. “It’s been over eleven years since I saw you the first time.”
She stiffened, gazing at him in bewilderment. “You saw me?”
He nodded. “Henry had requested I come to Franklin University to help with one of his patients, and I saw you walking across the campus. I just stood there, looking at you, and I thought: Here it is. This is mine.”
Lily swallowed to ease the sudden tightness in her throat. “How impossibly romantic. Just what I would expect of you.”
“I didn’t feel romantic. I felt”—he paused—“as if everything had come right, as if