Mao II - Don Delillo [65]
You have to climb hills to get a drink.
He kept an eye out for priests and spent half a minute in an ancient church so small it was wedged between columns of a modern tower, a one-man refuge from the rumble of time, candles burning in the cool gloom.
He was often lost. He got lost in the hotel every time he walked out of his room and turned left to get to the elevator, which was consistently to the right. Once he forgot what city he was in and saw an honor guard of four men marching toward him on the sidewalk, going from their guard duty to their barracks, and they carried rifles with fixed bayonets and wore embroidered tunics, pleated skirts and pompom slippers and he knew he wasn’t in Milwaukee.
He climbed a hill to a taverna and ordered by pointing at dishes on three other tables. It wasn’t that no one spoke English. He forgot they did or preferred not to speak himself. Maybe he liked the idea of pointing. You could get to depend on pointing as a kind of self-enforced loneliness that helps you advance in moral rigor. And he was near the point where he wanted to eliminate things that no longer mattered, things that still mattered, all excess and all necessity, and why not begin with words.
But he tried to write about the hostage. It was the only way he knew to think deeply in a subject. He missed his typewriter for the first time since leaving home. It was the hand tool of memory and patient thought, the mark-making thing that contained his life experience. He could see the words better in type, construct sentences that entered the character-world at once, free of his own disfiguring hand. He had to settle for pencil and pad, working in his hotel room through the long mornings, slowly building chains of thought, letting the words lead him into that basement room.
Find the places where you converge with him.
Read his poems again.
See his face and hands in words.
The foam mat he lives on is one deep stain, a lifetime’s convincing stink. The air is dead and swarms with particles, plaster dust lifted off the walls when the shelling is intense. He tastes the air, he feels it settle in his eyes and ears. They forget to untie his wrist from the water pipe and he can’t get to the toilet to urinate. The ache in his kidneys is time-binding, it beats with time, it speaks of the ways in which time contrives to pass ever slower. The person they send to feed him is not allowed to talk.
Who do they send? What does he wear?
The prisoner perceives his own wan image in the world and knows he’s been granted the low-status sainthood of people whose suffering makes everyone ashamed.
Keep it simple, Bill.
George cranked open the wooden shutters. Light and noise filled the room and Bill poured another drink. He realized he’d been clear of symptoms ever since he stopped gobbling pills.
“I’m still convinced you ought to get one. Instant corrections,” George said. “The text is lightweight, malleable. It doesn’t restrict or inhibit. If you’re having any trouble with the book you’re doing, a word processor can make a vast difference.”
“Is your man coming here or not?”
“I’m doing what I can.”
“Because I can talk to him there as well as here. Doesn’t matter to me.”
“Trust me. It matters.”
“You put a man in a room and lock the door. There’s something serenely pure here. Let’s destroy the mind that makes words and sentences.”
“I have to remind you. There are different ways in which words are sacred. The precious line of poetry often sits in ignorance of conditions surrounding it. Poor people, young people, anything can be written on them. Mao said this. And he wrote and he wrote. He became the history of China written on the masses. And his words became immortal. Studied, repeated, memorized by an entire nation.”
“Incantations. People chanting formulas and slogans.”
“In Mao’s China a man walking along with a book in his hand was not seeking pleasure or distraction. He was binding himself to all Chinese. What book? Mao’s book. The Little Red Book of Quotations.