Mao's Last Dancer - Li Cunxin [58]
After watching the dancing for a while I gathered enough courage to ask a teacher to show me how to waltz. She explained the basic movements, but I kept treading on her toes and apologizing. I may have been hopeless in my first waltz but I enjoyed it enormously. It was the first time I’d heard such beautiful, romantic music. This would never have been possible under Madame Mao’s directorship; a waltz would have been banned as a corrupt influence and Western “filth.”
We began to watch more and more foreign films. We’d devise any possible way to get into the heavily guarded theaters where these “colored films” were shown. Fake theater tickets were made and wigs and mustaches stolen from the costume shops of the academy to make us look older. Once we got into the theater we’d find ways of staying there for the next screening. We’d hide behind curtains and doors, even in the toilets. Anything to get to see those films.
One day the Bandit meticulously glued the torn halves of some used theater tickets together. We whitened our hair and slipped into the crowded theater without being detected. We didn’t have rehearsal until three: plenty of time to watch the movie. But neither of us had a watch. “Lujun,” I whispered. “How will we know when it’s time to go?”
“Don’t worry, I have an internal clock,” he said confidently.
I was going to say more but the movie had started. It was an American movie about a love triangle. The translated Chinese title was Hurt Too Much to Say Good-bye. Two translators, a man and a woman, provided dialogue over a pair of microphones but they often forgot to translate and we were left to guess for ourselves most of the time.
I couldn’t believe the colorful clothes the women wore in these movies. So different from how Chinese women dressed. But the high-heeled shoes looked as uncomfortable as pointe shoes. Some of the actresses were breathtakingly beautiful yet they all looked so much alike. It was in this movie that I witnessed a kiss for the very first time. My heart raced. I wondered what it would be like—to really kiss a girl.
The Bandit’s internal clock didn’t work. By the time the movie had finished we were late for our rehearsal. As we approached the studio I heard Teacher Xiao’s voice. My heart immediately sank.
He turned and looked at us, and without changing his expression, went on coaching the other students. I was embarrassed beyond description. I glanced furiously at the Bandit: I wanted to smash his internal clock to pieces.
“Cunxin, come to my office after your next break,” Teacher Xiao said at the end of the rehearsal.
I still hadn’t decided what I should say to Teacher Xiao when I knocked on his office door.
He got straight to the point. “Why were you late?”
“I went to a movie,” I stuttered.
“I had a feeling you had gone to a movie. Although you have told me the truth it doesn’t take any of my disappointment away.”
“I’m sorry, Teacher Xiao. I thought I would be able to make it back in time for the rehearsal.”
He looked at me intently for a few moments. “Cunxin, this wouldn’t have surprised me if it had been any other student. I am extremely surprised and disappointed it was you! I don’t care if you watch a hundred movies in your spare time but classes and rehearsals come first.”
I nodded. I knew I was unquestionably in the wrong.
Then in a different tone Teacher Xiao asked, “What was the movie?”
“A colored film. Hurt Too Much to Say Good-bye,” I replied, and lowered my head.
“Any scenes without clothes?” he asked seriously.
“No, only kisses,” I replied.
“Very well, off you go.” He shook his head as he spoke but I could see a subtle smile. I was glad I was honest with him. I could never have lied to Teacher Xiao.
“Colored” movies weren’t the only distraction in those last months. I was besotted with a girl from Shanghai called Her Junfang. One night we met secretly in a dark studio. I could