Mao's Last Dancer - Li Cunxin [76]
“Hello.” She smiled. With my heart racing I timidly entered the studio. “I thought you had gone away with Ben,” she said.
“I did,” I told her, “but now I am back.”
“Would you like me to take you anywhere?” she asked. “I have a car.”
“No, thank you,” I replied politely. Then suddenly I said, “Yes! I want go Chinatown, see movie!”
I was nervous and excited, walking out of the academy with her. I tried to look calm and casual.
We went into a Chinese café across the street from the cinema. For the first time in my life I found myself sitting opposite a girl I liked. She looked so beautiful.
“You can call me Liz if you want. What about you? What do your friends call you?” she asked.
“Cunxin,” I replied. “It mean ‘keep my innocent heart.’”
“Cunxin, Cunxin, it’s so beautiful,” she murmured. “How old are you?”
“Nineteen,” I replied.
“I’m eighteen.” I could sense she had to concentrate on what I said.
“English hard. In English, you say go, goes, gone. In Chinese we say will go, go, and go yesterday, he go, she go, you go, I go, we all go.”
She burst into laughter.
There were not many people in the cinema. I found it hard to concentrate with Elizabeth sitting next to me. I wanted to know her better but I doubted she would show me any special interest. I was surprised when, after the movie, she agreed to have dinner with me.
We went to another small Chinese restaurant. We asked each other many questions and although we had difficulty understanding each other, we enjoyed being together. I ordered some authentic Chinese food—pig’s intestines and sea slugs. That would impress her, I thought, but she seemed to have a rather small appetite. By the end of the evening I felt sad to part with her.
Before we approached Ben’s apartment I told Elizabeth to stop the car. I didn’t want the security guard to see us. If he told Ben I was having a relationship with an American, Ben would have to tell the Chinese consulate and I would be sent straight back to China.
Elizabeth stopped her car one block away from Ben’s complex. “When can we see each other again?”
“Don’t know,” I replied. I reached out and we touched hands. I felt her breath. I felt hot blood rushing through each vein. We kissed. This was happening too fast. I needed time to think. So I quickly said good-bye and got out of her car.
“You’ll call me, won’t you?” she asked.
I nodded and walked to Ben’s apartment.
Elizabeth and I fell in love. I felt a great sense of responsibility for her, and great pride too. But I knew our secret relationship was dangerous. The only person I could think of to share my secret with was Lori, my “Big Ballerina.” She had sometimes tried to persuade me to stay in America but I had always said no.
A few weeks later, one Sunday, Lori invited me to her house for a barbecue. I met her husband, Delworth, a Texas oil manager. I told them how much I liked Elizabeth and the sorrow I felt about returning to China. I didn’t expect them to do anything about it but Delworth called the University of Texas and asked if they could recommend a good immigration lawyer. They suggested a lawyer called Charles Foster.
The following day Lori and Delworth took me to Charles Foster’s office in downtown Houston. He said he had read about me in the newspaper. He said I could qualify on my artistic merits for a green card, which would enable me to stay and work in America. He also mentioned that the Chinese government recognized international marriage laws.
I remember feeling unsure, though not about my love for Elizabeth. I left that first meeting still very confused. I loved Elizabeth. And I couldn’t go back and survive in a world with no freedom. Not anymore. But China was where my parents and family were, where my friends lived. I could still contribute a huge amount to Chinese ballet.
I realized I was torn between two possible lives.
TWENTY-ONE
Elizabeth