Mark Thomas Presents the People's Manifesto - Mark Thomas [14]
Of all the suggestions, the least violent is the Prohibition of Deception Act, a simple two-page private members’ bill that seeks to make lying a criminal offence for MPs. In 2007 Adam Price MP backed the bill and got the support of nine or so other MPs. Or at least they said they supported it. Unfortunately the bill is no longer with us.
It read: ‘It shall be an offence for an elected representative acting in this capacity, or an agent acting on his behalf, to make or publish a statement which he knows to be misleading, false or deceptive in a material particular.’
As this applies to the MPs’ official capacity, it does mean they can continue to lie in normal everyday life. So from the classic, ‘Honestly, that dress is perfect,’ and ‘I am really looking forward to the school play,’ to the more exotic, ‘I have never had sex with your brother under the family Christmas tree,’ they would be able to lie along with the rest of us. But on important stuff like presenting the case for going to war, MPs could be arrested and put on trial for lying. For lovers of the traditional approach, we could wire them up when they took the oath.
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POLITICIANS SHOULD
HAVE TO WEAR
TABARDS DISPLAYING
THE NAMES AND LOGOS OF THE
COMPANIES WITH
WHOM THEY HAVE
A FINANCIAL
RELATIONSHIP, LIKE
A RACING DRIVER
WE NEED TO know in whose interest our MPs are working, so we can see who has dibs on them. Therefore they must wear tabards with the names and logos of those they have financial links with whenever they speak, both inside and outside the House.
This doesn’t just apply to companies that employ them but all financial links. MPs can be given gifts, get free tickets for events or travel, even get assistance to run their offices, any of which could represent a conflict of interest. So each and every one of the ‘contributors’ should go on the tabards.
‘Ah,’ some will say, ‘but MPs already have to declare this in the Register of Members’ Interests.’ True. But how many folk can be bothered to look it up? Are people up and down the UK shouting from their living rooms, ‘Ee, love, come quick, and bring the Register of Members’ Interests – t’news is on and Oliver Letwin is talking on t’banking system.’ Wouldn’t it be easier to see Oliver Letwin (Con) standing on TV with Rothschild plastered on his chest next to KPMG and PricewaterhouseCoopers?24
If MPs wore the tabards they would continually be declaring their interests. So when Lembit Opik (Lib Dem) next stands up to talk about comets and asteroids colliding with Earth, we can see the Daily Sport logo and the Caravan Club of Great Britain emblazoned on his tabard.25
This policy is just the beginning. I believe that if MPs take money from companies they should be forced to sing that company’s jingle whenever they stand to speak in the Chamber. That way David Blunkett (Lab) would have to sing the Sun newspaper’s adverts every time he joined the debate.26
‘Ah,’ some may say, ‘we should not be giving companies that kind of free advertising,’ but the key here is positive advertising. I would argue that companies have more to lose than gain by displaying their brand on MPs. Frankly, the sight of Ken Clarke covered in British American Tobacco logos is unlikely to influence anyone’s behaviour. I doubt that kids would gather in the playground saying, ‘Blood, d’you see Ken Clarke on that Newsnight?’ ‘Yeah. I’m gonna start smokin’ cos he was sick, man!’27
23
THERE SHOULD
BE A PUBLIC
REFERENDUM BEFORE
GOING TO WAR
THIS POLICY ONLY applies when Britain is going to attack another country, not if someone attacked us, or we would have armed invaders charging up the beaches while we scampered around shouting, ‘Fuck fuck fuck, we’re not quorate …’
A