Maskerade - Terry Pratchett [10]
She could feel a future trying to land on her.
She’d caught herself saying “poot!” and “dang!” when she wanted to swear, and using pink writing paper.
She’d got a reputation for being calm and capable in a crisis.
Next thing she knew she’d be making shortbread and apple pies as good as her mother’s, and then there’d be no hope for her.
So she’d introduced Perdita. She’d heard somewhere that inside every fat woman was a thin woman trying to get out,* so she’d named her Perdita. She was a good repository for all those thoughts that Agnes couldn’t think on account of her wonderful personality. Perdita would use black writing paper if she could get away with it, and would be beautifully pale instead of embarrassingly flushed. Perdita wanted to be an interestingly lost soul in plum-colored lipstick. Just occasionally, though, Agnes thought Perdita was as dumb as she was.
Was the only alternative the witches? She’d felt their interest in her, in a way she couldn’t exactly identify. It was of a piece with knowing when someone was watching you, although she had, in fact, occasionally seen Nanny Ogg watching her in a critical kind of fashion, like someone inspecting a second-hand horse.
She knew she did have some talent. Sometimes she knew things that were going to happen, although always in a sufficiently confused way that the knowledge was totally useless until afterward. And there was her voice. She was aware it wasn’t quite natural. She’d always enjoyed singing and, somehow, her voice had just done everything she’d wanted it to do.
But she’d seen the ways the witches lived. Oh, Nanny Ogg was all right—quite a nice old baggage really. But the others were weird, lying crosswise on the world instead of nicely parallel to it like everyone else…old Mother Dismass who could see into the past and the future but was totally blind in the present, and Millie Hopwood over in Slice, who stuttered and had runny ears, and as for Granny Weatherwax…
Oh, yes. Finest job in the world? Being a sour old woman with no friends?
They were always looking for weird people like themselves.
Well, they could look in vain for Agnes Nitt.
Fed up with living in Lancre, and fed up with the witches, and above all fed up with being Agnes Nitt, she’d…escaped.
Nanny Ogg didn’t look built for running, but she covered the ground deceptively fast, her great heavy boots kicking up shoals of leaves.
There was a trumpeting overhead. Another skein of geese passed across the sky, so fast in pursuit of the summer that their wings were hardly moving in the ballistic rush.
Granny Weatherwax’s cottage looked deserted. It had, Nanny felt, a particularly empty feel.
She scurried around to the back door and burst through, pounded up the stairs, saw the gaunt figure on the bed, reached an instant conclusion, grabbed the pitcher of water from its place on the marble washstand, ran forward…
A hand shot up and grabbed her wrist.
“I was having a nap,” said Granny, opening her eyes. “Gytha, I swear I could feel you comin’ half a mile away—”
“We got to make a cup of tea quick!” gasped Nanny, almost sagging with relief.
Granny Weatherwax was more than bright enough not to ask questions.
But you couldn’t hurry a good cup of tea. Nanny Ogg jiggled from one foot to the other while the fire was pumped up, the small frogs fished out of the water bucket, the water boiled, the dried leaves allowed to seep.
“I ain’t saying nothing,” said Nanny, sitting down at last. “Just pour a cup, that’s all.”
On the whole, witches despised fortune-telling from tea-leaves. Tea leaves are not uniquely fortunate in knowing what the future holds. They are really just something for the eyes to rest on while the mind does the work. Practically anything would do. The scum on a puddle, the skin on a custard…anything. Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.
“You recall young Agnes Nitt?” said Nanny