Me and My Shadow - Katie MacAlister [51]
Indecision warred within me, yet another emotion that was unfamiliar to me. I was normally a very decisive person, making plans and following them through. Now I was flooded by strange emotions, and they were starting to take their toll on me.
“Mayling, it’s just me. You can tell me whatever’s bothering you,” Cy said, plopping down on the end of the bed, giving my feet a little pat. “Go on. I can see you want to talk.”
I opened my mouth to tell her I was just fine, that nothing was bothering me, but that’s not what came out. “It’s Gabriel. I’m worried.”
“About Chuan Ren hurting him?”
“No, I know he can take care of himself well enough. It’s what Gabriel means to me,” I said, miserable enough that I was willing to share my concerns with my less-than-sensible twin.
“You love him.”
“Yes, I do. And he loves me. The loving part isn’t the issue.”
“Then what is? Oh!” Her eyes, so much like mine, opened wide with understanding. “You don’t like the fact that you love him.”
“What a ridiculous thing to say,” I said scornfully.“Why would I not want to love the man who loves me?”
“Because it means you’re not on your own anymore. Because now you’re tied to him, bound to him, and nothing will ever be the same. Let’s see, you’ve been living with him for almost two months. . . . Yup. That’s about right. The bloom is off the honeymoon, and now you’ve realized what the relationship is really about.”
I stared at her with surprise. “How on earth do you know these things? You’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few weeks.”
“I’ve been with Kostya almost as long as you have been with Gabriel,” she pointed out. “Longer if you count the time we spent together while you were trapped in Abaddon.”
“Do I have to remind you that you officially de-boy- friended Kostya today?”
The look she shot me was venomous. “No, you don’t. Up to the moment when he dumped me, cruelly and heartlessly, and wholly without cause, just so he could go off and be Mr. Important Wyvern, up to that time we were a very successful couple. So don’t tell me I don’t know about relationships, because I do. I’ve had enough of them to learn a thing or two.”
I digested this strange new awareness in Cyrene, and admitted that she had come close to pinpointing my concerns. “I don’t regret loving Gabriel. I welcome it, welcome him into my life. What worries me is the fact that he’s become my life.”
“Dominating, you mean? He didn’t strike me like that. Drake, now, he’s dominating.”
“No, not dominating.” I thought for a moment, trying to put the feelings into words. “He’s everything to me, Cy. Not just the romantic stuff like the moon and stars and all that—I mean that when he’s not with me, life seems to be not right, not quite real.”
“And that worries you?” She smiled. “That sounds like true love to me.”
“I told you that the love we share is not the issue. I’m confident in that.”
“So you’re worried that because life doesn’t have a sparkle when he’s not there to share it with you, that you’re . . . what? Too dependent on him?”
“No. I know he needs me just as I need him. The problem is . . .” I stopped, not wanting to speak the words aloud.
“What?”
I bit my lower lip.
“Mayling, you’re my twin. I love you. I want to help you if I can, and we both know I never get the chance to help you because you’re always too busy helping me, instead. But I know men, and I know relationships, and by Neptune’s grace, you’re going to be helped! Now, tell me what the problem is so I can reassure you that it’s not as bad as you think it is, and then I can go take a nice long soak in the tub.”
I laughed at her determined face. “I’m not trying to deny you a moment in the sun, I assure you. It’s just that it will sound silly.”
“I’m all over silly,” she said with perfect seriousness. “Spill.”
I looked down at my hands, my fingers their normal strong, capable-looking selves. But I knew differently. I knew how easily they could change into digits tipped with