Mercy Kill_ A Mystery - Lori Armstrong [14]
“So you started screwing around?”
“Not at first, but when I realized even my own family believed Melinda’s lies? I said fuck it. What did I have to lose?”
“Anna knew you’d cheated on your wife before her?”
“Anna knew she wasn’t the first one, but she’s always been the only one who mattered.”
Pretty words. Didn’t excuse ugly behavior.
“Here’s the kicker. That night after you . . . the night in Bali changed me, Mercy. It finally hit me that life is too short not to be with who you want. For the first time I decided to be proactive in my personal life, rather than reactive.
“I was ready to give up everything, any chance of a relationship with my kids, just to get the hell out of the marriage. When Melinda confronted me, I admitted to the affair and told her I wanted a divorce.”
“I take it that didn’t go over very well?”
“Might say that. She took it a step further than threatening to kill herself.” He chugged his remaining beer. “She threatened to kill our children.”
My stomach churned the beer into foam, and it threatened to come back up. “Jesus.”
“And if I needed convincing she wasn’t bluffing? Melinda called me the next day when our three-year-old daughter fell down a flight of stairs and broke her arm. She said it was too bad Lindsey was so clumsy. She hoped next time our little girl wouldn’t fall on a kitchen knife or something horrible. I knew then she’d pushed Lindsey. Melinda has always had an . . . unnatural need for attention. She loved that I was constantly gone, because everyone in her circle of friends worried about how she was holding up. And if one of her children died . . . she could milk the sympathy and attention for years.” His voice dropped. “Christ. Even now, years later, I know it sounds far-fetched. It’s why I’ve never told anyone. Who would believe me?”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t make my damn mouth work. Because I did believe him. I’d met people like Melinda. Too many people. Any glimmer of sympathy I’d ever felt for Melinda Hawley over the years had vanished.
“That’s when I knew I could never be with Anna. That’s why I had to be so damn cruel when I broke it off with her.”
I’d walked into our tent to see Anna’s military issue 9 mm Beretta at the base of J-Hawk’s skull. Tears flowed down both their faces; hers were from pure rage. At the time I’d attributed his tears to fear. Now I suspected they’d been born of resignation. He’d expected Anna to kill him. Wanted it. I’d managed to get the gun before she pulled the trigger. Jason had run out without looking back; Anna dropped to a fetal position on the ground and stayed that way for twelve hours.
Now, I almost wished I still thought of him as an unfeeling asshole, rather than knowing what he’d gone through and what he’d given up. “Why’re you telling me this, J-Hawk?”
“Because it’s been weighing on me for years, and I wanted someone to know the truth before . . .”
“Before what?”
No response, then he chuckled. “It don’t matter. I’m getting sappy. I appreciate that you are good at keeping secrets, Gunny.”
I’d walked into this secret-keeping mission with my eyes wide open. Still, I didn’t understand why J-Hawk unburdened himself on me. Unless . . . He’d always been an excellent tactician. Would this “big reveal” lead to another strategic maneuver? Involving changing my mind about Titan Oil’s plans?
J-Hawk passed out the last two beers. We drank, stared at the stars, swinging our legs off the tailgate. “Thanks for not judging me too harshly.”
“I’m the last person to pass judgment on anyone.”
He snorted. “Always do the right thing, never deviate from the truth, Sergeant Major Gunderson? Right.”
If he only knew how far I’d fallen from the ideals beat into my head by Dad and Uncle Sam. “Yeah, I’m a regular poster girl for guts and glory.”
From the moment J-Hawk appeared in the area, I’d been suspicious of his motives. Here was my chance, in the spirit of “sharing,” to find out if he