Mermaid_ A Twist on the Classic Tale - Carolyn Turgeon [48]
What if they rejected her? How would she live, then? What if she couldn’t get near the prince? Lenia touched the necklace around her neck as if it were a talisman as she searched the faces of those standing before her, trying to focus and imagine what it would be like to be one of them. She would know soon enough.
She tried to see past the harbor, past the gates, into the castle. He was there. She could feel it. And from behind the windows, she could see lights coming on one by one, illuminating the life inside. She had never before seen fire except in the sky, and now there were small blazes everywhere, and the people were illuminated by them as they laughed and moved.
Such beautiful ladies and men she saw, or imagined she could see, within. Like something in a story she might have heard once, from her grandmother. Behind some of the windows, she was sure she saw dancing. Men twirling women around, pulling the women close and then releasing them. Would she dance like that? Would she be one of those ladies, smiling, stepping forward and back, forward and back, across the floor, in and out of her beloved’s arms?
She held on to the potion, closed her eyes, and tried, for the first time, to pray.
LATE THAT NIGHT, when the harbor was almost empty and the lights from within the castle had gone out, she pulled herself onto the shore. Away from the docks, farther from the castle, where a clutch of trees swayed in the light wind. Just shielding her from the guards who stood by the castle gates.
Above, a giant moon shone down, and the sky sparkled and glittered, completely clear. She lay back and watched. Let the breeze ripple through her, over her hair. It carried a faint tinge of flowers, though she did not yet recognize what it was. Scent. Strange and wonderful.
She stared up at the stars. Here she was, above the water, and then there, above her, was someplace else still.
She set the potion on the ground beside her.
This was it. She took a deep breath. This was, she knew, the most important moment of her life. The moment when she made a choice. All her life she’d been Lenia, the daughter of the sea queen. She had a beautiful tail, a beautiful voice, hair the color of the moon … She looked at her tail, watched the scales gleam and glitter in the moonlight. Stretched out her arm and looked at her own skin. Like diamonds.
Yet she was choosing something else. How many of us can choose to leave one self, one world, behind and embrace another, better one?
She clutched the sand on either side of her, let it sift through her fingers. It was gritty, unlike the sand on the ocean floor. She liked the feel of it.
I choose this, she thought.
She took one more look at the sea. Quiet now, all of its secrets hidden. And then she sat up, carefully picked up the potion, and uncapped it.
Smoke streamed from the bottle, sharp and pungent. She coughed.
Please, love me, she breathed into air.
And then she took a deep breath, exhaled, and drank.
It was like drinking fire. Worse than the amber liquid she’d found in the shipwreck. Worse than anything she’d ever consumed or felt, even the pain of her tongue being sliced out of her mouth. The potion burned down her throat, through her body, and down the length of her tail.
She screamed, but no sound came from her.
She felt a terrible burning from her tail, and then a ripping that seared through her. It was so fast! She clutched down, grabbed hold of her tail as it was rent apart. Under her palms, she could feel her body splitting. It was the most horrible pain she’d ever felt. She could not possibly