Message in a Bottle - Nicholas Sparks [109]
“If you’d told me earlier, I would have understood.”
She watched him carefully as he answered. “Would you, Garrett? Would you really have understood?”
Garrett knew it to be a moment of truth. When he didn’t respond, Theresa shook her head and glanced away.
“Last night, when you asked me to move, I didn’t say yes right away because I was afraid of why you’d asked.” She hesitated. “I needed to be sure you wanted me, Garrett. I needed to be sure you asked me because of us, and not because you were running from something. I guess I wanted you to convince me when I got back from the store. But you found these instead….”
She shrugged, speaking more softly now. “Deep down, I guess I knew it all along, but I wanted to believe that everything would work itself out.”
“What are you talking about?”
She didn’t answer directly. “Garrett—it isn’t that I don’t think you love me, because I know you do. That’s what makes this whole thing so hard. I know you love me, and I love you, too—and if the circumstances were different, perhaps we could get through all this. But right now, I don’t think we can. I don’t think you’re ready yet.”
Garrett felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach. She looked directly at him, meeting his eyes.
“I’m not blind, Garrett. I knew why you would get so quiet sometimes when we weren’t together. I knew why you wanted me to move down here.”
“It was because I missed you,” he interjected.
“That was part of it… but not all of it,” Theresa said, pausing to blink back tears. Her voice began to crack. “It’s also because of Catherine.”
She dabbed at the corner of her eye, clearly fighting tears, determined not to break down.
“When you first told me about her, I saw the way you looked… it was obvious that you still loved her. And last night—despite your anger—I saw the same look again. Even after all the time we’ve spent together, you’re still not over her. And then… the things you said…” She took a deep, uneven breath. “You weren’t angry simply because I found the letters, you were angry because you felt I threatened what you and Catherine shared—and still do.”
Garrett looked away, hearing the echo of his father’s accusation. Again she reached over and touched his hand.
“You are who you are, Garrett. You’re a man who loves deeply, but you’re also a man who loves forever. No matter how much you love me, I don’t think it’s in you to ever forget her, and I can’t live my life wondering whether I measure up to her.”
“We can work on it,” he began hoarsely. “I mean… I can work on it. I know it can be different—”
Theresa cut him off with a brief squeeze of his hand.
“I know you believe that, and part of me wants to believe it, too. If you put your arms around me now and begged me to stay, I’m sure I would, because you added something to my life that was lacking for a long time. And we’d go on again like we had been, both believing everything was okay…. But it wouldn’t be, don’t you see? Because the next time we had an argument…” She stopped. “I can’t compete with her. And as much as I want it to go on, I can’t let it, because you won’t let it.”
“But I love you.”
She smiled gently. Letting go of his hand, she reached up and softly caressed his cheek. “I love you, too, Garrett. But sometimes love isn’t enough.”
Garrett was quiet when she finished, his face pale. In the long silence between them, Theresa began to cry.
Leaning toward her, he put his arm around her and held her, his arms weak. He rested his cheek against her hair as she buried her face in his chest, her body shaking as she cried into him. It was a long time before Theresa wiped her cheeks and pulled away. They looked at each other, Garrett’s eyes issuing a mute plea. She shook her head.
“I can’t stay, Garrett. As much as we both want me to, I can’t.”
The words hit hard. Garrett’s head suddenly felt woozy.
“No…,” he said brokenly.
Theresa stood, knowing she had to leave before she lost her nerve. Outside, thunder boomed loudly. Seconds later a light, misty rain began to fall.
“I have to go.”
She slipped her purse