Middle of Everywhere - Mary Bray Pipher [137]
—JANE KENYON, Once There Was Light
For the most part, newcomers are filled with energy, gratitude, and hope. They enjoy a walk, a cup of coffee, or a bouquet of tulips. They are not jaded consumers. Everything is new and interesting to them. A trip to the ice-cream store or a concert are great events. Many laugh easily, work hard, and do not complain. They are, to quote Jesse Jackson, "the kind of people who get up every day and do what needs to be done."
Newcomers keep their pain to themselves. They don't tell us about the child killed while walking barefoot across the mountains into Turkey or their starving relatives in Haiti. They don't tell us they don't have money for dinner for their kids or a bus ride to the doctor. Newcomers do not reprimand us for our wealth.
Many newcomers have excellent manners. From the first day, the Kakuma refugees were among the most polite people I had ever encountered. The Kurdish sisters never failed to offer me tea and snacks, even when they had little food for themselves. Many Middle Eastern and Vietnamese women have cooked me beautiful meals when I visited, and served them to me as if I were a beloved family member.
A caseworker told of missing a day of work with the flu. While she was gone, a Sudanese client called for her and was told she was ill. When he next spoke to her, he said, "I told all the Sudanese people about your health and we prayed you would get well. Now we will thank God that he heard our prayers."
The newcomers can teach us about family loyalty. Many adults work two jobs so that they can send one paycheck to the old country to support family there. Or they eat nothing but rice and save every penny to sponsor family members coming to Lincoln. Many Vietnamese save for years to return to Vietnam. This is not for travel expenses, but rather, so they can give thousands of dollars away to needy family members.
Loyalty extends to the ethnic community where everyone is struggling with the same issues. For the most part, people help each other. They share food, clothes, and housing. They give each other rides to work, to medical appointments, and to church, temple, or the mosque. We humans have long valued communal experiences. At Neolithic sites, anthropologists have noticed that all the bones of game animals are often found around one cooking fire. They postulate that since the earliest times we have liked to share our food with other families. However, we Americans have been educated to value privacy and we tend to live in our own "isolation tanks." Working with refugees I began to appreciate what we are missing.
There is nothing more insulting to the poor than romanticizing poverty. However, lack of resources can lead to good things. Once I had a conversation with a refugee from Ethiopia in which he told me he had caught many big fish. Thinking to be helpful, I offered to let him store these fish in my freezer since he had far too many to eat at one time. He looked at me quizzically and replied, "I have no need to store fish. I will give them away to my friends."
Over and over, I have witnessed heroic altruism in newcomers. Poverty and crises allow people to help each other. Likewise, prosperity can keep us from knowing how much people love us and will help us.
Descartes advised, "When living in the midst of others, do not stand out too much." For the most part, newcomers try to fit in and to do things the way Americans do. They are extremely reluctant to complain about anything, even serious problems at work or school. For the most part, refugees see Americans as kind, albeit fairly ignorant of the world. When they do voice any criticism it is about two main things—our children's lack of respect for authority and our lack of communal life.
Refugees value freedom. Refugees from war-torn areas often mention how much they value safety. They value educational opportunities for their children and work opportunities for themselves. Many mention how grateful they feel to have food and good housing. No one is more patriotic than newly arrived