Middle of Everywhere - Mary Bray Pipher [32]
Sometimes Linh went to American movies but she closed her eyes during sexy scenes. She had been to parties but never danced or drank alcohol. The family was traditional and Buddhist and her parents didn't want her to date until she had completed college. She'd rebelled a little in junior high and had a boyfriend who was Vietnamese, but more Americanized than she was. They just talked on the phone, but she'd really liked him. Her dad and brother had yelled at her about this and finally she'd told her boyfriend not to call. After that, she'd cried, but she told me, "I am family-oriented and I made the right decision."
Her parents wanted her to be a doctor. Linh was scared of the MCAT and studied eight or nine hours a day to prepare for medical school. After she received her medical degree. she hoped to marry and have children. She wanted to be able to finance her parents' retirement in Vietnam.
Now she had a case of acculturation blues. She was not fluent in any language. Her Vietnamese was not perfect, but neither was her English. There were many times when she could not express herself precisely. I suspected that part of her current malaise was she didn't have the language to express all her complex feelings.
She also struggled with identity. She moved between two cultures, selecting only what she needed from American culture, yet having to play by its rules. She was a loyal Vietnamese family member in a world where most of the people she loved were thousands of miles away. She respected her parents, but they were of little help to her in the world in which she found herself. Somehow she had to balance the freedom of America with her responsibilities to family. Sometimes she felt like "hollow bamboo," Asian on the outside, but empty within.
Linh was grateful for her opportunities, perhaps almost too grateful. She was respectful of adults and eager to become who her family wanted her to be. The trick would be to meet their expectations without feeling so much pressure that she was immobilized with anxiety. Depression descended when she sensed she might fail the brother who stayed up all night studying math problems for her or her father who gave up his world to bring her to America.
I suggested that we meet again to talk through the pressures of school. I said, "We can discuss what you want to accept and reject from American and Vietnamese cultures. You will want to build a new life for yourself based on good choices."
WHAT REFUGEES CARRY
We old pioneers dreamed our dreams into the country.
—BETH STREETER ALDRICH
Refugees may arrive penniless but they don't arrive resource-less. They carry their individual attributes, their histories, their families, and their cultures. They bring their human capital, that is, their skills and professional experience. This is a complex situation, however, because it's often impossible to transfer credentials and knowledge.
Refugees possess what Bill Moyers described as "the outsider's impatience, the gritty resolve to storm the barricades and triumph from within." They bring what I'll call newcomer zest, an initial drive to succeed that consists of hope, ambition, and trust. Research suggests that this early zest fades by the second generation and is gone by the third.
Over the course of working with refugees, I have identified twelve individual traits that contribute to success in America. I will discuss these attributes in chapter 10. For now I merely want to note their importance in determining who is able to adjust to America. The more of these attributes a newcomer possesses, the more likely he or she is to succeed. Without a certain number of these attributes, a newcomer is unlikely to make it in America. The attributes of resilience are
Future orientation
Energy and good health
The ability to pay attention
Ambition and initiative
Verbal expressiveness
Positive mental health
The ability to calm down
Flexibility
Intentionality
Lovability