Mila 18 - Leon Uris [38]
The result mired her deep in guilt. Momma was right. Sex was ugly and painful. Her deep religious roots made her bear losing the child as a penance for her sin. She married Paul Bronski and became to him all the things he wished. She was the perfect mother and the clever hostess and she filled his needs as a man.
But it was in darkness in their bed that she served her sentence. The guilt of the sex act was deeply embedded, and she practiced the discipline of pretending to enjoy in order not to offend her husband. She experienced neither fulfillment nor the smaller pleasures of love-making. She was entirely frigid.
What strange and wonderful thing was it that drew her to Christopher de Monti? He took her hand as though she were a little girl and led her through the black evil forest to the golden castle that sat on a cloud.
There was that first frightening time they were alone in his apartment and everything between them that had gone before had led to the moment when a man and a woman have nowhere left to go in their relationship but to bed.
She threw an angry tantrum over a seeming trifle. Chris completely understood that she was in reality angry with herself over her fear of an inability to perform.
So many times Chris held her face in his hands.
“Deborah, my love ... your mother is dead. You are not going to disobey her by letting yourself have the pleasure of a normal woman.”
And all the years of frustration burst out when Chris unlocked them and drove them from her.
“I didn’t know ... I didn’t know it could be like this.”
Deborah blinked her eyes open. The fire was in embers. Chris was rattling around in the kitchen. She looked at her watch. It was very late. He came in, rumpled and smiling, wearing a battered old pair of khaki trousers and holding two cups of coffee.
As wild and wonderful a woman as she had been, Chris watched her change into someone else before his eyes. She fumbled for the telephone and dialed in a nervous, jerky manner. “Hello, Rachael. This is Momma. Darling, I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I got held up. Did Zoshia make you a good dinner? Practice your piano, darling. Tell Stephan I’ll be home in a little while.”
She set the phone down slowly. Chris offered her coffee. She shook her head, avoiding his eyes, and walked away quickly toward her clothing.
“Do we have to play out another remorse-filled scene?”
“Don’t.”
“But I do—”
“I woke up just now with a terrible start. It is terribly clear that we have done something sinful in the way we have lived. I know we are going to be punished—”
The phone rang.
“It’s me, Rosy.”
“Yes, Rosy.”
“You’d better get down here, right away.”
“What’s up?”
“Everything out of Berlin has stopped cold. I called Switzerland. They say all the lines from Germany have been cut at the Polish border.”
Chapter Ten
August 31, 1939
TO: COMMANDER, COMPANY A, Reinforced
From: Commander, 7th Ulany Mounted Brigade—Grudziadz
Subject: Patrol Assignment
Proceed north on the Tczew road at 0700. A special detachment of intelligence scouts has been detailed to your command for the purpose of detecting unusual movements, changes of disposition, or additions of strength to the German Third Army.
Send reports to us by rider in a routine manner.
When you reach Tczew, join your battalion and continue with them to Gdynia.
No later than 0600 tomorrow you will encounter Company B coming from Tczew in a patrol which will be the reverse of yours. Send your dispatch with them.
It is emphasized that we are at peace with Germany and an unprovoked incident could have serious repercussions. However, under extraordinary circumstances you are authorized to use your judgment.
Signed: Zygmunt Bozakolski, Brigadier in Command, 7th Ulany Mounted Brigade—Grudziadz.
Captain Andrei Androfski moved Company A out of the large headquarters base at Grudziadz at 0700. It was scheduled as a routine patrol that called for a two-day ride along the eastern border of the Polish Corridor, along a road that ran parallel