Minding Frankie - Maeve Binchy [73]
“And are you the only one he phoned?” Noel’s voice was a whisper.
Declan shrugged. “I’ve no idea,” he said. Let Noel sweat a bit. Let him think that Moira was on the case.
“Oh, my God …,” Noel said. His face had almost dissolved in grief.
Declan took pity on him. “Well, no one else turned up, so I suppose I was the only one,” he said.
“I’m so sorry,” Noel began.
“Why?” Declan cut across him.
“I can’t remember. I really can’t. I felt a bit uptight and I thought one or two drinks might help and wouldn’t matter. I didn’t know it was going to end like this.…”
Declan said nothing and Malachy was silent too. Noel couldn’t bear it.
“Malachy, why didn’t you stop me?” he asked.
“Because I was at home doing a jigsaw with my ten-year-old son. I didn’t hear from you that you were going out—that’s why.” Malachy hadn’t spoken such a long sentence before.
“But, Malachy, I thought you were meant to …”
“I am meant to come when there’s a danger that you might be about to go back to drinking. I am not meant to be inspired by the Holy Ghost as to when you decide this kind of activity all on your own,” Malachy said.
“I didn’t know it was going to turn out like this,” Noel said piteously.
“No, you thought it would be lovely and easy like the movies. And I bet you wondered what we were all doing at those meetings.”
Noel’s face showed that this is exactly what he had wondered.
Declan Carroll suddenly felt very tired. “Where do we go from here?” he asked both men.
“It’s up to Noel,” Malachy said.
“Why is it up to me?” Noel cried.
“If you want to try to kick it again, I’ll try to help you. But it’s going to be hell on earth.”
“Of course I want to,” Noel said.
“It’s no use if you are just waiting for me to get out of your hair so that you can sneak off and stick your face into it again.”
“I won’t do that,” Noel wailed. “From tomorrow on it will be back just the same as it was up to now.”
“What do you mean tomorrow? What’s wrong with today?” Malachy asked.
“Well, tomorrow, fresh start and everything.”
“Today, fresh start and everything,” Malachy said.
“But just a couple of vodkas to straighten me up and then we can start with a clean slate?” Noel was almost begging now.
“Grow up, Noel,” Malachy said.
Declan spoke. “I can’t let you look after our son anymore, Noel. Johnny won’t come here again unless we know you’re off the sauce,” he said slowly and deliberately.
“Ah, Declan, don’t hit me when I’m down. I wouldn’t hurt a hair of that child’s head.” Noel had tears in his eyes.
“You left your own daughter with Dingo Duggan for hour after hour. No, Noel, I wouldn’t risk it. And even if I did, Fiona wouldn’t.”
“Does she have to know?”
“I think so, yes.” Declan hated doing it, but it was the truth. They couldn’t trust Noel anymore. And if he felt like that, what would Moira feel?
It didn’t bear thinking about.
“We have to tell Aidan and Signora,” Declan said.
“Why?” Noel asked, worried. “I’m over it now. I hate them knowing I’m so weak.”
“You’re not weak, Noel—you’re very strong. It’s not easy for you doing what you do. I know. Believe me.”
“No, I don’t believe you, Declan. You were always a social drinker, a pint in the evening and no more. That’s balance and moderation—two things I was never any good at.”
“You took on more than most men would have done. I admire you a lot,” Declan said simply.
“I don’t admire myself. I disgust myself,” Noel said.
“And what help will that be to Frankie as she grows up? Come on, Noel—it’s her first Christmas coming up. The whole street is going to celebrate. You’ve got to get yourself into good form for it. No self-pity.”
“But Signora and Aidan?”
“They know something is wrong. We mustn’t play games with them. They can cope with it, Noel. They’ve coped with a lot in their lives.”
“Anyone else I should tell?” Noel looked defensive and hurt by it all.
“Yes, Lisa, of course, and Emily.” Declan was very definite.
“No, please. Please, not Emily.”
“No need to tell your parents or my parents or anyone like that, but Emily and Lisa need to know.”
“I thought it was